Oasis Update: The Band Getting Back Together??? Plus Update on Singles Album

The band is getting back together albeit in a bastardized form WITHOUT NOEL! Liam Gallagher, Gem Archer, Andy Bell, and some queef named Chris Sharrock have put together a band called Beady Eye according to the official Oasis website. If Noel's not in the band then it's not Oasis and it won't be good. (Whose side do you think I took when the band broke up? The talented side.)
Since Oasis (2nd favorite band ever) broke up in August I have gone through however many stages of grief there are. Denial, anger, the rest, and now I am just waiting for Noel to do his long-rumored solo project. Sh*t, I'd go see him do an acoustic set by himself with Oasis b-sides. I have said many times that Noel Gallagher is one of the best songwriters of our generation. It's such a shame that anytime anyone in America hears Oasis they instantly think Wonderwall. That crap kills me. It's not like I go around advertising and telling everyone that I'm such a big Oasis fan, but if I know someone and it eventually comes out that I like Oasis they immediately always say harharyehIlikeWonderwall-it'stheironlygoodsong and then drool on themselves. That sends me into a Tasmanian devil-type rage twirling around the room grabbing genitals and wallets because screw you. You know nothing about Oasis, you lazy American twat. It's the only song you ever heard because it was the only one fed to you via mainstream American radio. Calming down now.
Oasis is also releasing a singles collection which I will not buy because I've already heard them all. Here's Noel talking about the singles collection "Time Flies" and then another video talking about one of my favorite Oasis songs, "Cigarettes & Alcohol."

The Beginning 8 Minutes of Back to the Future 1 and 2 Synced Up

Yes, it is as cool as it sounds. If you don't like the Back to the Future movies we can't be friends anymore. Stop reading this blog... now. That's probably taking it a bit too far, but I do enjoy falling into the trap of watching any of the three movies on TNT on Saturday afternoons. Anyway, this video has about the first eight minutes of Back to the Future I & II synced up. The guy who made it said it's not 100% perfect, but I beg to differ. Wow, what the internet can do. It's a marvel. And Elisabeth Shue, wow, what I could do to her. She always makes my boner flutter. Loved her in Adventures in Babysitting. That is such an underrated movie.

Hat tip to Household Hacker for the link.

Remember That Time People Drank Fat Mike's Pee at SXSW? Or Did They?

It probably didn't happen. Since my previous post has led to more search traffic than any post I have ever done I thought it a good idea to post an update on this story. See my original post on the whole Fat Mike making people drink his pee and them cheering about it here. Yesterday on the FatWreckChords (the name of Mike's record label- wordplay is a strength and staple of Fat Mike's) twitter feed a link was posted to a Youtube video which shows Fat Mike pulling a houdini-esque move of subtly switching out bottles just before he went on stage. The NOFX front man hit the SXSW crowd with the ol' okie doke apparently. But why, Mike? People cheered for it when they thought they drank your pee. Why ruin their elation? That is such a Poseur (title to a favorite NOFX song) move. The people who actually thought they got the chance to drink from one of your golden shot glasses will no longer be able to brag to their friends they tasted your urine mixed with tequila.What a disappointment for them. The original video obviously cut out the switching of the bottles. If you want you can view that video here. The video posted on Youtube yesterday has the switching of the bottle (with Fat Mike's penis thankfully blurred out) in real speed and slow motion in case you miss it the first time. Here it is:






Hey, at least Fat Mike dribbled some pee on the guy right in front of him. At least he got someone. In the above video some people might get confused because at first glance it seems like the guy standing beside Mike made the switch and then a switch back, but you need to look at the time stamp in the small screen at the top right. So no one drank Fat Mike's pee. Though I'm sure if you're really into that sort of thing he would oblige you. Just don't be too desperate for it, people. And now a video of one of my favorite NOFX concerts to watch online on Youtube from the the Bizarre festival in Cologne, Germany in 1996. It's a medley of Beer Bong and The Brews. Beer Bong is one of my top 10 favorite NOFX songs. I think I like this concert because Fat Mike is so wasted and talks sh*t in one of the videos about banging the chick from the band Garbage.




Ah, NOFX is still one of my favorite bands. Now I'll be watching them on Youtube for a while.

Crimes Against Nature: Autotuned Wolves

Don't click play on this video unless you want it to get funky. T-Pain is going to be so jealous because these wolves can sing! And by sing I mean do what they normally do but make it sound dumber by adding a vocal processor onto their voice called autotune. These poor animals, where is PETA when they are really needed?

Now that his singing career has long been over...

Hat tip to Household Hacker where I found the link to the video. And to whoever made the LOL wolf above, Thank you.

Forget Lost, The 24 Series Finale Is Tonight!

Tonight may be emotional for me. 24 has been one of the most bad a$$ shows ever on television, and I have grown quite fond of it. I can't say the same for Lost. I never watched that show and couldn't give less of a crap than I do about it than I do currently. I've known a few people that were obsessed with and swore by the show, but I didn't get in at the beginning. I was planning to catch up with the DVD's, but then I started hearing about a smoke monster, a smoke monster? So this smoke has consciousness? It plans stuff for the people on the island? When does Scrappy Doo start air-boxing the smoke monster? Are you kidding me? You people watched six seasons of that crap? Alright, never mind about Lost. I'm glad it's over. Lost fans (known as Losties *coughqueercough*) are almost as annoying as SEC footballs fans, but not quite complete a$$ douche level like an Arkansas Razorback fan. I think that is probably why I dislike the show so much even though I've never even watched it. I also have a natural predisposition to pick sides. If I don't like something I have an impulse to denigrate it. If I'm into something I sing its praises. I've been told it's an endearing quality. Then again, some guys have been told it's alright if they can't get an erection. Not that I have ever... never mind. Scratch that from the record.

That is probably my favorite 24 animated gif.

24 ends tonight, and say what you will about this season, I am still sad the show is ending. As I have said before a bad season of 24 is better than 85% of the other crap on television. Never has a show so captured the zeitgeist of America like 24 did. Jack Bauer's painful crusades have been cathartic in an age of fear and terrorism. Those of you with fuzzy memories may not recall, but 24 debuted after 9/11/2001 amid controversy. Kiefer Sutherland discusses it a little in this Entertainment Weekly article. I found it odd in that interview what Sutherland assumes after being asked this question:

"What will be the legacy of 24?
That the issues we’re dealing with in 24 no longer exist, and that it is an earmark of a time gone by."

Is it really a "time gone by?" I'm no fear monger, but I'm fairly sure there is no way to declare the issues of terrorism or torture nonexistent. 24 is a reference point on the map of America almost as much as it is on television. Many people have taken issue with the perceived glorification of violence in the show. I always viewed 24 as having all of the issues they were juggling in a good context. Sure, there was violence and torture, but there were also consequences. The good guys won a lot, but in the reality of the show a nuclear bomb was detonated on American soil. The writers were smart. They didn't just have Jack and other CTU personnel torture suspected terrorists and put bullets in people's heads. There was a struggle between right, wrong, and many gray areas. I'm not sure how the struggle will end. Almost everyone thinks the show won't really end tonight since there is a movie "in production." You may think I'm crazy for floating this theory, but I think Jack will die tonight. I think he wants to die. He's tired of killing everything he touches in his personal life. The writers have been writing around this theme for at least two seasons. What if the whole 24 movie were just a ruse to fool us into not believing Jack will die? Remember this is the show where no character was safe except for Jack since he was played by the big star. Now that no one is under contract for a new television season I think Kiefer's character is fair game. If I'm right (long shot) it would be the biggest misdirection in television series finale history.

You've heard of the video game Red Dead Redemption? Renee Walker has a game she likes to call Red Head Erection. She gets me hot.

We know Renee Walker is dead now so if there is a movie who will be Jack's female lead? Chloe and Jack have always been platonic and Chloe is married with a child anyway. I think Chloe is going to be the one to kill Jack anyway. I think Jack will have sort of an assisted suicide, but more like a samurai than Kevorkian style.

Man, I always hated her character, Kim Bauer, on 24, but she sure is easy on the eyes... and my boner. What I'm trying to say is Elisha Cuthbert easily gives me a boner. There, you happy?
Too much boner talk.

MacGruber: Has the Marketing Convinced You?

The marketing campaign behind the new MacGruber movie has been impressive to say the least. The stars of the movie have been talking it up for a while, Ryan Phillippe hosted Saturday Night Live in promotion of it (because how else would he have been asked to host it?), SNL has still been doing new MacGruber skits each Saturday (even one with Betty White as MacGruber's grandmother), running a twitter account under the handle @grubes69 for a while, some of the characters went on the WWE Monday night show, and just this week the marketing went viral (the buzz word that gives advertising people boners) on the internet with "nude" photos of MacGruber being "leaked" on a site that I frequent called What Would Tyler Durden Do? The result of the campaign for the blogger who runs the site was hilarious after he jokingly bragged that some people had paid him a lot of money for promoting the movie and all of his loyal commenters proceeded to rake him over the coals for being a money whore. I would assure Brendan the heat he is taking is 100% jealousy.
The biggest question for the people who undertook the mass marketing campaign will be if it works. I think they did a good job personally. They took me from a "definitely will not see because I am a cynical assbag" to a "maybe."
Here's a video from Funny or Die of a guy doing a bit during the press junket for MacGruber:

MacGruber Press Junket - watch more funny videos

So did the marketing convince or did it go in one ear and out the other? Interesting note: my wife and I vowed a few years ago to never watch a promo or trailer for any Will Ferrell movie ever again because all the jokes were always ruined. We started that promise with the movie Semi-Pro, and I kid you not, we have laughed at all of his movies from Semi-Pro on. It takes a lot of commitment, but I recommend it.

Twitdown: Coining a New Phrase for the Twitter Meltdown

We've all seen them. We've all been entertained by them. The Twitter Meltdown. A Twitter Meltdown is when a twitter user busts off a series of inflammatory, defensive, or otherwise spastic tweets regarding something in their online or real life. They often include replies to users and retweets of what people have tweeted to the one melting down with additional commentary. There have been several notable twitter meltdowns in recent memory, but I am not here to name names. I'm here to coin a phrase. I propose that henceforth that we call Twitter Meltdowns "Twitdowns." The economy of space being ever critical when using the micro-blogging site it makes sense to combine and condense whenever possible. I have searched the term twitdown and have not found it used to mean what I am proposing here, but I am open to being shown if someone has coined it somewhere else first. I wouldn't want to be accused of stealing someone else's idea, or I may have a twitdown.


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Video of Multi-Talented Police Officer Who Can Do Impressions While Being Tased

A Chewbacca impression is hard to do. I have only known about two or three people who could do one well. I thought I would do a more lighthearted post about police officers to balance out the too serious one I did yesterday. I've been trying to not take myself too seriously because I know no one wants to read that, but it's hard. Enough whining, on with the video. CHEWBACCA COP!

What If Vic Mackey Had Taught People How to Outsmart Him?

Barry Cooper, a former Texas police officer notorious for questionable tactics and results that pleased his superiors has switched roles since his retirement from the police force. This article by Michael May of the Texas Observer and reprinted on Alternet details a police career that reads like the fictional character from FX's The Shield, Vic Mackey. What's different about Cooper is after he left the police force he completely switched sides of the law and has produced a series of videos called Never Get Busted Again and been an in-general nuisance to law enforcement. Now "the man" will show you how to beat "the man!" He even has a website. I highly recommend you check it out for the entertainment value alone, but it also includes some helpful tips on dealing with law enforcement and has resources you can purchase. He even set up production on a television show where he ran a sting operation on a police force he suspected might be dirty . He posted video of the sting in which he used a staged weed grow house on Youtube:



That takes a lot of guts to do, even if you are a former cop and know your way around the law like Cooper does. Unfortunately Cooper's story does not have a happy ending for now. As many of you may know cops are often vindictive dicks, and they obviously did not take kindly to being given a black eye. From the above linked story by Michael May:

"Williamson County police arrested Cooper, and they did something police almost never do: raided his home on a misdemeanor charge. The charge was: “false report to a peace officer," for a phone call made to police about the duffel bag left at the school."

The officers even called child services alleging that Cooper and his wife had given drugs to their 17 year old daughter. There was enough speculation that now Cooper's stepson, Zach, has been disallowed from staying with him by his biological father who has filed for custody of the boy. I think what the author May did a good job of conveying with his article is Barry Cooper is a guy looking for redemption, much like Michael Chiklis' classic character from The Shield should have been looking for. He was beginning to find that redemption albeit in an unconventional manner, and as soon as he started to make some amends the system beat him down. He wasn't rapping on a song saying F*&% the Police or anything silly. He was trying to hold law enforcement accountable and, from what Michael May has written, it seems they have broken him for now. I hope he makes a comeback from his personal turmoil because honestly he is a real life super hero to me. Police in this country have gone too far, and it's not as if they are going to get more considerate. A police officer can not be told anything except exactly what they want to hear exactly how they want to hear it or the person saying it is likely to get tazed or maybe worse. For more on my views on police, click to police tag on the right side of the page, but there are more extensive websites on police abuse out there if you search for them.
Wow, what a downer post. I'm going to go listen to some Rage Against the Machine and clean one of my guns. TAKE THE POWER BACK!

He-Man Sings 4 Non Blondes

A video that will make fans of the classic cartoon feel nostalgic and then laugh. This video cuts up footage of the well-known cartoon as if He-Man was singing the classic song "What's Up?" by the 4 Non Blondes. It's as good as it sounds. Hat tip to Ryan Gallivan of the Gally Blog (one of the other places I write frequently) and Wimp.com.




Solid gold job, internet. I feel like such a bum if I don't post something here every weekday. Real life would just not chill enough today for me to do a real post. Maybe I'll squeeze in another half-hearted shorty like this one. I've got an epic post planned for tomorrow. 

How Much Is Your Dead Body Worth?

Sometimes a question is asked that I did not even realize I wanted to know the answer to. And sometimes that question is also answered. That is the case with this documentary film aptly titled, "How Much Is Your Dead Body Worth?" The title really jumps off of the screen, right? You can view the whole documentary here at the awesome website Top Documentary Films. Yep, that's an easy bookmark if you didn't already know about that site. They have many documentary films you can stream for free right from their site.So I have a question for the makers of this documentary or the modern-day grave robbers that make all these millions of dollars on cadavers- if the body is fatter is it worth more? Do you guys pay by the pound? The reason I ask is because I know a lot of fat people. Also, in what sort of condition do you guys accept bodies? Do I have to kill people myself or do you have some sort of Saw III torture deaths planned out?
Through the magic of embedded video you can now view this entire documentary directly from The Nonpopulist.