How Is Everything Zach Galifianakis Does Funny?

Zach Galifianakis is probably one of the funniest people alive. Being funny seems so effortless for him, but I know it can't be. I'm sure he works very hard at what he does. He seems as effortlessly funny as I am effortlessly unfunny. I pose one question. Has anyone ever seen something in which he is not funny? I am open to being proved wrong, but I doubt anyone can produce something for me to watch where Zach Galifiankis is not going to make me laugh. Some of his more recent highlights include his "Between Two Ferns" web series (pictured above and for which he was recently nominated for a Webby award,) The Hangover which I only recently saw and liked, but the thing he has done which made me laugh the most is his comedy DVD Live at the Purple Onion. I laughed more watching that DVD than when the Broncos drafted Tim Tebow and every season of The Office combined. Of course, I don't find The Office funny. They could easily make a funny show, but choose to do otherwise. My meaningless critiques aside, here is a video I found on Funny or Die of Zach discussing physical comedy with short appearances from Patton Oswalt and Brian Posehn (from The Sarah Silverman Program.)

Zach Galifianakis on Physical Comedy from Zach Galifianakis

Be warned, there is some brief partial male nudity so the video is probably not safe for work unless you work at a company that works with male nudity, queer. O wait, that's supposed to go before the video. Why do I always mess that up?

Old Dirty Bastard: The Drunken Master Style, Son

This video features Wu-Tang powerhouse/ rapper of lore Old Dirty Bastard aka Dirt McGirt aka Osirus aka Big Baby Jesus aka Dirt Dog aka Russell Jones (that's all I can remember off of the top of my head) freestyling on the old Yo MTV Raps program in what he termed to be a "drunken master style." No doubt he was practicing that particular style during this freestyle. What's amazing is he is still lucid enough to put together a solid effort. The only disappointing part of this video is Ed Lover comes in and makes him stop. Just let Osirus go until he doesn't want to go anymore.



ODB RIP, Wu-Tang Forever.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day: Web Soup Joke and Gillian Jacobs Gif

Many of you may be aware of the television show Web Soup that airs on G4TV on Wednesday nights. You may also be aware they have a segment titled "Twittershots" where they post a video the prior week on twitter with the intent of using three jokes from twitter users on the show. I have tweeted a joke to the show a few times and 75% of the time I feel the jokes I tweeted are better than the ones used on the show. The only conclusion I can draw from this is they only check the tweets during a certain time period and choose the best joke from that small window. With that being said, here is the video they are going to use for "Twittershots" on tonight's show followed by my joke.


The joke I tweeted for them to use is, "@websoup now let's see you hit the broad side of that pool without a man's hand on your ass." I guarantee that is funnier than the jokes they will use unless they actually pick me this time. The show airs Wednesdays at 8 EST.

A 24-hour documentary channel? Yes, please. It's times like these I am glad I have DirectTV. [Documentary Channel]

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, creators of South Park, are facing death threats after using Mohammad in a recent episode. My advice to the guys is keep up the good work, and if you need to hide somewhere come to the South where they have guns and dislike Muslims. [WWTDD]

A well thought-out and nicely executed flow chart on which summer action movie is right for you. Funny stuff. [Vulture Blog]

Conan O'Brien got a letter asking him to prom a few years ago. He responded. The response note will now be moved the Library of Congress. [Letter of Note]

Hackers catching heat. [Alt Report]

This was interesting to me. Wikipedia article on Werner Erhard and The Collection of Crazy People Known as Scientology. [Wikipedia]

A collection of pictures that indeed made me say WTF. [Regretful Morning]

Jeff Zucker, keep Conan O'Brien's name out of your damn mouth. Just shutup. [Vulture Blog]

Boaterhome? Boaterhome.

Have you always wanted to be king of the road? Have you failed miserably at every attempt? What you need is the Boaterhome. The 1987 Sport King Boaterhome to be exact. It's a motor home, but it's also a boat. Quit being a bitch on the road and\or water! Man up with comfort, style, and presence. Show the road, water, and all drivers therein you have a pair of balls that ladies enjoy servicing with the Boaterhome.
Bidding for this majestic land behemoth is currently at $21,000. "$21,000?!?!?!? I'd be a fool not put in a bid," is what you might be saying. Actually, you'd be a pussy, and my advice is to not be a pussy in front of your children. That causes all sorts of developmental problems. There were only 21 of these recreational super vehicles made. That's rarified air you could be driving and boating in. But wait, there's more.
From the Ebay listing:

"The Boaterhome is a 1987 Ford Econoline E-350 Van with a launchable 28’ Sport King inland Cruiser self contained boat.

On the land you use it as a motorhome, and when you get to the boat ramp, just back down into the water and the boat floats off in under 2 minutes."

You still have about 23 hours to make the Boaterhome your statement on the road. There have been over twenty bids, so you may have some steep competition out there.
Warning: the Boaterhome Sport King will not start if you are impotent. The potency sensor in the seat can not be disabled.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&_rdc=1&item=190390193919&ru=http%3A%2F%2Fshop.ebay.com%3A80%2F%3F_from%3DR40%26_trksid%3Dp3907.m570.l1313%26_nkw%3D190390193919%26_sacat%3DSee-All-Categories%26_fvi%3D1&viewitem=

Did I just do a free commercial post for something awesome? Yes, I did. Thanks to "Thousand-Yard Stare" Bill for the link.

Conan Tour Update: I Still Can't Go, Am Envious

I'm still sad I can't go to any of Conan's tour stops. In fact, a tear just dropped in my beer. I'm seeing all of these poor quality videos fans are posting on Youtube, (although I appreciate the effort) and it only intensifies the waves of self-pity I feel. Proximity is not an issue. Conan's tour is coming to a city within reasonable driving distance. The bigger issue was my lack of money around the time the tickets went on sale. Now I could afford it but alas, I will have to make due with bouncy videos with either too loud or too low audio. Sad sigh... Here is one of the latest videos I have found that appears to be a video intro Conan O'Brien uses to open the show.


There is a lot of Conan news out there nowadays, but only here at The Nonpopulist can you find such a downer post. Let me add something different to this sad sack post to make it sadder, but also uplifting. I looked for a reference for this online a few days ago, but couldn't find anything so this will just be hearsay until I can find something backing it up. Shortly after 9/11, maybe even a few days after, when people were still scared to even get on airplanes I remember a story about Conan O'Brien being in an airport and being approached by an employee of an airline or the airport (again, fuzzy on the details, this is from memory) after recognizing him. The employee asked for Conan's help because there was a room of people that were scared to fly, many of them emotional. Conan complied, but I can picture him looking puzzled at what he could do to help but doing it because he knew he should. In his mind he probably just turned on monologue Conan and went in the room hoping for the best. The only thing I know was said by Conan was one of his signature lines that he doesn't use much anymore, but always said it in a higher-pitched voice, "Be cool, my babies." That is one of the coolest things done by anyone, anywhere, at any time. It still tugs on my heart strings. Conan is a class act, and that story for which I can't find any substantiation proves it.
Also, Conan is going to be on 60 Minutes this Sunday, May 2nd, and they may have to blur his face out in promos for the show since his interview gag order isn't lifted until May 1st. [Movieline]

Johnny Cash Project is a Freaking Cool Tribute

There is no way for me to prove it, but I liked Johnny Cash before it got cool a few years back, not long before, but still before. Now that he has fallen out of buzz-worthiness I can safely go back to being a fan. Walk the Line with Joaquin (pronounced JOE-ah-quin) Phoenix was an abortion, and I hated people fawning over it. Jamie Foxx did a better job in Ray. I was in college when Cash died, and I remember it kind of affecting me. I was sad. I'm not a fortress of snark, after all. When I was goofing around trying to be a musician in college two out of the first three songs I performed live were Cash songs. I played and sang Folsom Prison Blues, Drive On, and squeezed in Keep on Rockin' in the Free World by Neil Young. It was fairly mediocre, and that's probably remembering it through rose-colored glasses. The most vivid memory I have around the time Cash's death was beginning work on a short story about him a few days before his death. I may have cursed him the same way I did Joey Ramone who also died from cancer while I was in college the day after my roommate and I put up a Ramones poster in our dorm room. True story. Weird, huh? I never finished the short story. It didn't seem a fitting tribute at the time, but this site I found does seem like a fitting tribute. It may be because I envy people who can draw, but I think what they have done at The Johnny Cash Project is so cool. I recommend starting at this link to get an idea of what's going on with the site. It's a great site, and I really appreciate the work they have put into it. Here's the Man in Black himself performing the same song I covered but doing an infinitely better job of it in 1994 at The Viper Room in Los Angeles. Here's Drive On.

I would have put a video or pictures from the site up, but I couldn't find a way to embed them, and I think they want it that way. For something so cool, I can respect it.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day: Draft Hangover Style

I'm sitting on the internet and watching the draft anyway so I might as well do a post. This is the most exciting draft I can remember. The wheeling and dealing has been dizzying. This is an off-the-cuff reaction, but this is probably the best draft for the Lions in the past decade. The Suh and Jahvid Best picks alone were great for the Lions. I like what the Falcons did, but I have been accused of being too high on Sean Weatherspoon. A lot of people are singing the Seahawks' praises, and while they made a lot of moves that improve the team and get some picks for the future, their actual picks aren't really blowing my skirt up. My favorite team, the Titans, had a decent draft. I would have been happy with Pierre-Paul or Derrick Morgan as long as they got a defensive end who will make an impact right away. As far as the teams I am laughing at the most after the draft... the Broncos drafting Tebow has had me laughing every time I think about it since Thursday night. The Raiders actually drafting good players and making good value picks in the later rounds with Bruce Campbell has me flabbergasted as well. Here's some links.

Mirror man. That is all. [Scene 360]


MC Sole has some tips on how to keep things afloat during these tough economic times. He's been a favorite underground/independent/avant-hop/MC of mine for a while. [Sole One]

I'm about to link another blog's post of a collection of links. Space time continuum, do your thing. This is where the above Denzel Washington Venn Diagram came from. [FilmDrunk]



A creative, albeit a sick way to bury someone. Tibet, you need saving! [MBV Travel]

The latest Facebook news, and no it's not the bikini picture sorter for which we've all been hoping. [ReadWriteWeb]

Since they're not allowed to have mean, scary guns (except for hunting, I think) this is how people in England are forced to defend themselves. I give them points for creativity. [James McAdam]

And a music selection for today from the aforementioned MC Sole.

Left 4 Dead 2 News

Here is something I never do: post about video games. I rarely do it because I am not a gamer. I like video games. They're fun. I just barely play them. The last video game I bought was Left 4 Dead 2 last year for the computer. I had purchased the first Left 4 Dead at the behest of some friends and had so much fun drinking, talking smack with random people online, and yelling at each other over voice chat while we were playing that I was kind of hooked. The game and the sequel are fun. There's not too much story. You don't have to go get a bunch of crystals and potions to shove up your butt to keep you safe from warlocks or any shit like that. It's a shoot-'em-up game where you and three other characters kill zombies. Great premise, right? Ars technica appears to be the best source of news about the game I have seen, and I only really see it because I follow them on twitter. It's not like I'm out trolling for these tidbits. Now that the game has been out for a while they are going to put out updates called 'mutations.' Cool, I'm down. Left 4 Dead 2 also has another update called 'The Passing' that will bring back the characters from the first installment of the game. Here's a video I made about it. Or a video I got the embed code for, you decide.

So to recap, a blog that barely anyone reads and has Jack Kerouac as an avatar and mascot just did a post about a zombie video game. Take it sleazy, internet.

Can You Do This with Your Mouth? Does Anyone Want to Do This with Their Mouth?

"I'm the turkey call mc, and I'm here to say, that I'm the dorkiest hunter in the USA." Damn it. You sit on a video for a little bit and then you see it on Web Soup or Tosh.0 and then it looks like you're just posting videos from those shows. Well, that's exactly what I'm doing because this video of a hilariously redneck hunter duo busting turkey calls over a beat box was the video from last night's Web Soup they post the prior week so they can steal twitter follower's jokes to allow amateur joke writers to get their joke read on television. Tosh.0 and Web Soup are two of the better shows on television right now (what a sad indictment on that industry!), but have you noticed how they have some videos you saw like four years ago. It's almost like we're waiting for them to catch up, like when you show someone a website and they proceed to send you every link from said website with the comment, "Look at this! LOLOZLOZLOZLOZL" Yeh, it's still annoying, Barry. But let me not hate too much. Being able to replicate a turkey call that well is a skill. Is that positive enough for you? Youtube says this video is a year old. When are these guys going to hit us with the remix?

This Week in Police Brutality: Double Amputee Tased by Police

I have heard of excessive force, but this is almost cartoonish in its overkill. Police in America have been getting more and more taser-happy, recently using the device on a pregnant woman, an elderly lady who refused to sign a ticket, and now on a guy who has no legs. "I have no legs, I have no legs." Anyone who gets that reference- you are sick. How much of a threat could an officer honestly think a legless man is? A much more likely scenario is the guy just got a new taser and just wanted to try it out like a new bike on Christmas morning. The video of the man describing the incident is sickening. I feel so bad for the guy. The cops drug him out of his wheelchair and put him on the ground, but his pants were pulled down in the process so his dick was exposed. Maybe the neighbor lady got a peek and liked what she saw. Silver lining? I realize that is in poor taste, but I'm trying to not be such a downer what with the oppressive police state in this country going unchecked. According to the Merced Sun-Star the officers involved stayed on the job even though they were being investigated by their department's internal affairs division. Wow. Vic Mackey from The Shield can't believe they get to still be cops after beating up a legless guy, hurting his shoulder, and tasing him. Check out the video, but you may want to have a tissue or some medication that calms you down ready as it will either depress you or enrage you. I first saw this story on 3Report.

The NFL Scheduled Prematurely Ejaculated

The NFL schedule just came out. Sploosh. A little early, NFL, but I guess you wanted to steal ESPN's thunder they were planning with their schedule release show. At that landing page you click on what team's schedule you want to view. They have a new map feature this year that allows you to view where the team will travel and which teams will travel to them. You can toggle the map between viewing cities your team will travel to, teams that will travel to your team's city, or both. Other notes include me looking at week 17 and realizing just how good the decision was to make all week 17 games divisional games. Holy crap. And the Christmas Day game is going to be the Cowboys at the Cardinals. Damn, the Cowboys have to work every holiday. I hope it's better than the Chargers at the Titans matchup last Christmas. That game was craptastic.

4/20 Post: The NFL and Pot and Hypocrisy

To me pot was a high school thing. I haven't touched the stuff since then, so pardon me if I eye roll at the mention of (huh-huh) 4/20. Pot has been making news recently in the sports world and the real world and today being a holiday for dank bakers everywhere I thought I would speak on it.
Alternet is an alternative news website that I check regularly. It's sort of like Deadspin, but with real news. That is a compliment to both sites. The title of this article from Alternet gets you thinking all by itself. Imagine what the article will do to you. "NFL Hates Pot, but Loves Alcohol and Violence." It's true. Look at how many beer sponsors the NFL has. The NFL wants fans to get tanked up on beer at games, but then comes out with a NFL fan conduct policy, the buzz kills. Screw that noise. The last two NFL games I have been to I got plenty drunk and cursed loudly and had a verbal altercation with other fans at one game where I was rooting for the visitor. I made an ass of myself and had a good time. The league's stance on the players is where the main hypocrisy is at. The best line from the Alternet story is

"This is the league’s policy. Go to a club and drink – No problem. Stay at home and enjoy a little marijuana – Get suspended."

 I would add don't sexually assault anyone or get a DUI when you drink and it's all good. Despite the NFL's drug testing policy and consequences to potential endorsements and public image current and potential NFL players still smoke hydro. Deadspin breaks down. how this year's draft class is rumored to have many pot users among them.  How dumb do you have to be to smoke pot when it could ruin your chances to make millions of dollars and be able to smoke pot for the rest of your life after a few years of work?
That's deep, bro. Have you ever thought about, like, how if animals could talk like on cartoons then the world would be in better harmony? Animals could tell us when people are hurting them and the environment. And then we could all just chill, bro. That was my best stoner impersonation. It sucked because I don't smoke pot. Now if it's ever legalized I may have to revisit some high school glory days. I hear a lot more mainstream support for legalizing pot nowadays than I have ever heard before. It may happen one day.

This Octopus Says 'Yoink' to Diver's Camera

Even our reefs aren't safe anymore. This is an underwater video of an octopus taking a camera away from a diver who disturbed its quiet time. The cameraman 'got sprung on' (remember that phrase?) which would have made me poop my underwater diaper- if that's even a thing. The soundtrack to the video is National Geographic for the first minute, but after the octopus gets the camera the music feels like I'm watching a Wes Anderson movie which is fitting, I guess. The craziest part of the video is the diver chases after the octopus and gets the camera back. The cameraman pulls a harpoon gun on the octopus during the attempt to get the camera back, a great tactical self-defense maneuver, but never shoots it because he was worried about the octopus uploading the video to Youtube. The uploader writes the history books!

Beat Generation Update: Kerouac Football and Bukowski Stamp

Breaking news about dead people: Even though I have a picture of Jack Kerouac as my avatar on twitter and a picture of him on the right side of this blog I neglect to do many posts on him because I don't think people want to read anything about him. I do, though, and what would be the point of having Kerouac as an avatar if I never say anything about him?  Maybe I should change it since I really don't have much to do with my favorite literary genre, the beats. This blog has gone in a different direction and I guess it doesn't make much sense to keep any kind of association with Kerouac or the other beats. With that being said, I enjoy a certain blog and literary journal called Beatdom. They have had two recent pieces that caught my eye.
Not everyone knows that Kerouac played football. He was a running back in high school and at Columbia University for a short time before dropping out of college to write and be beat-y. It's true. Beatdom recently published an interview with a guy who played football against Jack Kerouac in high school. The interview is very entertaining. Among the highlights is Kerouac's high school nickname- "Twinkle Toes." I didn't know anyone ever actually had that nickname. Also, the old crotchety guy they interviewed that played against Kerouac said the bottom of piles in football back then were extremely dirty with biting, punching, and nut shots, and then called current generation of football players "panty wastes." He said Kerouac was especially dirty and the other players respected him because of it. Imagine that. The best part of the interview by far is this question and answer.

Q: I’m finding it kind of hard to believe Kerouac was such a viscous menace after reading his books.
A: He was a beast and a man’s man until he moved to NYC and linked up with that goddamn no-good Beatnik Allen whatever-the-hell-his-name-is and he started filling his head up with that love, peace and happiness crapola!

Hilarious. I encourage you to click above and read the whole interview.
Now on the Bukowski stamp front. How freaking awesome would it be if Charles Bukowski, the "bad boy of poetry," was on a postage stamp? He worked at the Post Office for a period and there was a petition I'm fairly sure I signed to try to get one of my favorite poets on a stamp, but it fell short of the 10,000 signature goal. Good news, though. The people who started the petition submitted the petition to the USPS and they are going to consider a Bukowski stamp. Nicely done, guys.

Best Video of the Last Rolling 30-Day Period

I've got your next Youtube star right here, It's ItsKingsleyBitch.

I want to be this guy's dear friend. But seriously, he is sooo right about skinny jeans. And he has a strong Chat Roulette take. What is up with all of the penises on there? Don't mind that Kingsley has a stereotypical family reunion t-shirt on. Judge him on his content like the DVD cover opinion and throw- hilarious. I could probably listen to this guy's opinions all day. Kingsley is a better belletrist than Roger Ebert! There, I said it. He's relevant too. Just listen to him carry on about texting. Whoa! He fininshes with a lot of venom directed at birds and how early they get up. I need a smoke after that whirlwind. That's a Youtube subscribe. I'll update when Kingsley has more wrongs to right. ITSKINGSLEYBITCH! He should start every video off by yelling that.

You Know What Really Brings the Crowds to Minor League Baseball Games? Dogs Pooping

Forget mini bat giveaway night. Move $1 beer night to next week. Actually, make $1 beer night every night, but I've got a new promotional gimmick night for you, minor league baseball parks- come see a dog poop on the field night! This video is from a Northwest Arkansas Naturals game during what was actually called the "Iams Adoptable Pet of the Game."


If that soundtrack sounds familiar to you it's because it is "Yakety Sax" and is also known as the Benny Hill song. It takes this video from good to great in my opinion. Hey, at least the dog knows to go on the lawn. and not in the dugout.

KFC's Double Down: My Experience

The new Double Down sandwich from KFC has been getting a lot of attention (mostly negative) with its nationwide release this past Monday, April 12th. The sandwich is unique in that it is a sandwich with no bread, but instead 2 chicken breasts holding the contents of bacon, cheese, and a special sauce that I think is some sort of mayonnaise base. I have heard all of the negative comments people have made such as, "This is the reason America is fat." Well, no, this sandwich just became a reality so all of the overeating and lack of exercise before this point is technically what made America fat. I admit this sandwich will probably not help the obesity of America, but I still had to try it for the novelty. I did the same when I heard about the double mcgangbang sandwich from McDonald's which they don't advertise but should, and I wrote a post about that, so why not do the same with my Double Down experience?
Once I get my food from the drive-thru (which took a while) I open the box so that I may behold the behemoth. It looks big, and it should be big because the combo meal was $6.99. You have priced me out for the future already charging that much, KFC. On my way home I remember that when I tried the double mcgangbang (can't type that enough) I got a Sparks from the gas station. I remember I'm out of beer so that's a good enough excuse to stop and pick up a Sparks while I'm at it. Yay, now it's a tradition. If you've never had Sparks it's a malt liquor energy drink. I highly recommend them. You can learn more by going to a gas station and picking one up. On the way home I can't help but try one of the fries. I don't go to KFC all that much so I had no idea their fries were so good. They're more like potato wedges actually. When I get home and get ready to start eating I realize the Double Down doesn't look all that big. The flavor of the breading on the chicken is good, but I can do without the sauce on the sandwich. Midway through I am starting to feel my stomach fill up. No need for dinner tonight.

I have also drunk most of the Sparks at this point so I am starting to feel a little buzz and the carbonation bubbles are taking up precious room in my gullet. I finish the sandwich and fries and lean back and pray that this monster digests. Overall I give the sandwich a B-, but the experience an A-. People need to calm down about this sandwich. Most people that actually try one will not go back a second time. I won't. Health nuts need to calm down in general. I'm not saying we should all be fat tubs, but anyone can die in a car accident. Limiting your calorie intake and working out two hours a day for your whole life won't matter much then, will it?

Stupid Baby Names Reaching a Fever Pitch

Hey ladies who are currently pregnant or may become pregnant and significant others, there is not a contest to see who can name their child the dumbest thing. If there were such a contest Gwyneth Paltrow would have already won it when she named her kid 'Apple.' It's getting harder and harder to look at people with a straight face when they tell me they named their child something like 'Maize' or 'Cerulean.' Wait, you named your child after a name for corn no one uses or a crayon color you only get with the really big packs of crayons? Why has naming a child something offbeat moved from mere isolated incidents to an out and out trend? The line is being blurred on what a normal name even is, and I really don't see a reversal in this trend. I'm not saying every boy should be named 'John' and every girl named 'Elizabeth', but 'Toshiba' is crossing a line. You may be wondering why I have a picture of Anna Paquin in this post. Well, besides sexing this place up a bit it is because of this Entertainment Weekly article in which Vlada Gelman discusses the recent spike in parents naming their girls 'Sookie,' the name of Paquin's character on her HBO series True Blood. It doesn't matter how much you like a television show, you don't name your kid after a character on one. Name your pet rabbit 'Sookie,' not your child whom you love and want to look out for. Parents are supposed to feel an obligation to protect their offspring, not make a joke by naming them after a flash-in-the-pan excuse to see some violence and boobs on HBO's Sunday night lineup.
I would give parents who are mulling over names like 'Tangerine' or 'Letter Opener' the traditional warning that naming your child something stupid may get them beat up or made fun of on the playground, but with the proliferation of weird names the kids who have normal names are going to have sore arms from all of the punching. If parents are really having a hard time with names you could just open up the Bible. Nehemiah is a kick ass name.

Conan's New Show on TBS and First Tour Stop

TBS? Really Conesy? Conan announced yesterday via twitter and several news outlets have confirmed that Conan will indeed host a late night show this fall but not on Fox as had been rumored. No, TBS is the winner of the Conan O'Brien sweepstakes, although I simply cannot imagine what made TBS, the Superstation and place where I watched Atlanta Braves baseball growing up, the better choice. I'll watch Conan anywhere he goes, but this decision is baffling to me. I'm honestly overwhelmed by the glut of Conan coverage available on the internet, and I have about 6 firefox tabs open to prove it . Where were you people months ago when I was emailing NBC and Hulu to make sure that me watching the show on Hulu counted toward the ratings or was kept track of in some way? I guess Conan has always been a periphery comedy source that people have taken him for granted. For me he was always a focus. Save for a few years before the existence of DVR and when crazy college life made it impractical to watch him I have been a regular viewer since about his 5th season at the old Late Night gig. I guess I'll remain hopeful since that what Conan's wish was in his last episode as Tonight Show host when he told me to "never be cynical." Here's some links worth reading I have collected.
Blog Critics'
Chocago Sun-Times
AltReport (joke)
Vulture Blog (with video)
Conan's first tour stop was last night and pictures and video have leaked already. Vulture Blog has a good post on it. I'm still bitter because I won't be able to attend the tour stop in my area.

I'm inconsolable right now. I hope things work for Conan on TBS. Maybe he chose them since it's not a major network and he will have a little more leeway since no one will be clamoring for his job besides George Lopez.

Tiger Woods Nike Commercial Redubbed

Lost in the frenzy of people judging Tiger Woods' actions is the fact that golf is boring. The only thing worse than watching golf on television is having to play golf. Golf is almost a worse non-sport than driving (NASCAR) yet I am forced to hear about it every time I turn on the television or look at my twitter feed thanks to Tiger. The issue is not how many women with which Tiger has had sexy time. The issue is how much golf sucks. That is why I am happy to see the internet parody machine humming along and producing videos such as this one where the recent Nike advertisement that dubs one of Tiger's voicemails that leaked during the incident over the black and white footage of Tiger looking all serious. "Hey, look at me. I'm serious golfer man. I've got laser sharp focus and a libido that makes your dad seem gay. If you want to know anything look at the police report. I'm about to go hit a golf ball." I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not really into this today. Here's a picture of Elin that stirs my boner interest.

A Champagne Primer: What You Need to Know

Whether it be a celebration such as New Year's Eve or a Sunday morning mimosa I look for any excuse I can find to enjoy a glass of champagne. Yes, I enjoy champagne, and I also realize that some people consider it a foo-foo or girly drink. I don't agree, although I am more likely to reach for a beer or whiskey I truly enjoy champagne. That's why I got excited when I picked up a Complex Magazine from a few months ago and they had an informational page about champagne. I specifically like the part where they give you advice on reading the label of a champagne bottle. Here is a sample of the wonderful information provided by Complex with some of my comments mixed in:

1. Vintage vs. Non-Vintage: Ummm, you only drink non-vintage so don't worry about this one. Vintage is the expensive stuff.
2. Sweet vs. Dry: This is a scale from the driest champagne type to the sweetest: extra brut (driest), brut, extra dry, sec, demi-sec, doux (sweetest).
3. Designation: The three choices here are premier cru (best), grand cru, and not rated. The designation is the quality rating of the vineyard in which the grapes were grown. Most of what regular people drink is not rated. Complex points out that if champagne is not rated it doesn't mean it's crap, it's just not rated. I think I had a grand cru one time at a tasting, but I can't remember for sure.
4. NM vs. RM: RM on the label means the grapes come from a single grower. NM means the grapes come from multiple growers. Again, you are probably not high class enough for one of these choices.

My enjoyment of champagne is but one of the many contrasts in my life. I am a walking juxtaposition. If nothing else, consider this a license to be a man and still enjoy champagne. I am secure enough in my manhood to admit I like champagne, read and write poetry, and own a bichon-frise. I also have a beard, like hot women, own guns, and scratch myself. Think I'm a wuss? Want to fight me? Remember, I have guns. My wife makes fun of me because I have these bitchy rules for mimosa consumption. I will list them here for posterity to laugh at.
1. There are no rules on orange juice to champagne ratio. Pour to taste.
2. Mimosas must be consumed only on Sunday with one exception- New Year's Day. Regardless of what day New Year's falls on, it is acceptable to have mimosas to begin the new year. If you haven't tried it I encourage you to get a nice mimosa buzz before you watch the NFL on Sunday. It's freaking awesome.
3. Mimosa consumption must begin before noon on Sunday. It can continue to through 2PM regardless of what time you start as long as it begins before noon. Did I just make too big of a deal out of champagne? Yes, I did.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Latest post ever. My internet has been down most of the day so I have an excuse (as if you care.) The above video is Oasis' "Falling Down." This is one of the best music videos in recent memory. I am an incredible Oasis fan, but I didn't really like this song until I saw the video which is weird because I love every Oasis song.

Another profile on Conan. Not to get all fanboy on everyone, but I actually watched his shows.[New York Times]

Uproxx has a feature on the top ten reality TV celebrities that are most deserving of a grisly death. [Uproxx]

Tosh.0 gets renewed for a third season before the second one has even aired? That's a mandate! [WarmingGlow]

Kurt Sutter, creator and showrunner for Sons of Anarchy has a blog and, as you can imagine, it is awesome. Here is his latest entry on the recent lawsuit filed by Nicolette Sheridan against Marc Cherry. He succeeded in making it relevant. [Sutter Ink]

My latest entry at The Gally Blog about how depressing the America's Game: The Missing Rings and how depressing the series is. [The Gally Blog]

My Edge entry on the new Matt Nix show The Good Guys. I'm hoping it's going to be good. [Edge]

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

What's good, internet? Anyone got any anecdotal info on Salvia? I heard about it on a rerun of Tosh.0. Apparently this stuff is legal. If it's legal, sign me up.

I saw this picture posted on Postsecret's twitter feed. It was snapped at SXSW in Austin TX.

Net neutrality takes a step back. If there is anything to get passionate about, this is it, people. Get informed and get active. [AP via Google]
To take action go here- [Save the Internet]

Online glossary with some important internet lingo. This will help the elderly and oblivious. [ShaneBacon Tumblr]

The Tiger Woods soundboard. These are always fun for a few minutes. [Slate]

"Screw countercultures," says Chodin in this Uproxx feature. [Uproxx]

Cat in a polo shirt? Sure, why not. [h0rkblr]

Unreality has 8 funny Jorma Taccone videos. He' s one of the guys from Lonely Island and he is a writer on Saturday Night Live among other credits. [Unreality]

The inventor of box wine has passed away. Spout some out for the homie. RIP [Asylum]

Shutter Island Review

Timely, huh? I don't get to the theater much and it seems like whenever my wife and I do decide it's time for a trip to the movies there is never anything good playing. I'm not falling for Hot Tub Time Machine. Repo Men looks like a 'wait until it airs on TNT' kind of movie even though I am a Whitaker fan. Clash of the Titans and She's Out of My League look horrible, and the rest of the movies showing are not even worth mentioning. Shutter Island won by default and the fact that Scorsese directed it and DiCaprio stars in it made me hopeful. Part of the problem of seeing movies late in their theater run is you inevitably hear that someone liked it or didn't like it and that will influence the movie-going experience. I did my best to put those things out of my mind with a large butter popcorn and some Reese's Pieces.
On to the spoilers...
The movie was visually untouchable. Lighting, cuts, and the other back end movie stuff were all on point. DiCaprio gets paid the big bucks because he owns movies. He owns the screen like Denzel Washington or Tom Hanks. His presence, essence, aura, whatever you want to call it bumps this picture up a few more notches than if someone else had played the lead role. As far as the story and genre the movie was a creepy thriller which is not quite a horror movie, not quite a psychological thriller. The story and feel of the film reminded me a little of The Number 23 with Jim Carrey. The twist at the end honestly caught me off guard, and that is one of the biggest compliments I can give a movie. Usually I can see it coming a mile away due to telegraphing from the writing or acting.
I was pleasantly surprised to learn Ted Levine played a part in this movie as the warden of Shutter Island. He is one of my favorite character actors. Bullet with Levine and Mickey Rourke is worth seeing on Levine's performance alone. I also just found out from his IMDB page Ted Levine has been in a lot of Monk episodes. I have never watched that show. After thinking about it I'm still not going to give it a chance even on the Levine cred.
The only question I was left with after Shutter Island was at the end. After thinking about it walking out to my car I determined DiCaprio's character chose the lobotomy because he did not want to remember the truth. I think the therapy worked, and he remembered everything. He just didn't want the knowledge of what really happened to his family, thus the original psychosis. I rated it 3 out of 5 on Netflix.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Blogging at Buffalo Wild Wings has its advantages. I'm ready for my blogging endorsement deal.

A profile on Wire and Treme creator David Simon by New York Magazine. [New York Magazine]

The Whitest Kids U Know is airing on IFC so I have been watching this sketch show more frequently. Here is a clip I saw on a recently that is funny and offensive, especially at the end.

I don't know how many fans of the Left 4 Dead video game franchise are out there. I like it. In both editions of the game there is a zombie character called a witch. Someone decided to reenact the witch character in real life. They did a good job. The video is weird and freaky- just like the game. [Unreality]

Uproxx feature on mind-reading technology that will undo civilization as we know it [Uproxx]

I saw this "article" on five things not to do in academic writing and I went off. I can't stand this crap anymore.
Read the "article" here, and you can see why I got irritated. I commented on the "article" but in case they take it down I will reprint my comment here. "This is groundbreaking stuff. Avoid errors. I need to put this into practice since when I write informally as in an email to a friend purpossselyyy misspell wordsdsds so they don’t think I’m trying to front on them with my fancy spelling. I’m tired of this keyword and filler crap. People just posting content however thin it may be trying to get search engine optimization. Just go comment on other online communities or websites if you have trouble coming up with content. Avoid informal language in academic writing… is this site for 4th graders?"
Update: Ha, they commented back. I encourage you to comment on crap like this. These people should be shamed into taking it down. [Editing Angel]

I guess someone had to post something like this. Comedians had it good when Bush was in office compared to now with Obama. And Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.[Alternet]

My most recent post at Edge about The Losers. Comment on it for the love of all things holy. I can understand people not commenting here, but at Edge? [Edge]

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

You can feel the Duke hate calling in the air tonight, hold on. The NCAA men's basketball championship game is tonight. Tiger Woods had a press conference today. You know, I have always hated golf, but seeing Tiger's press conference today makes me dislike golf more. I don't care about the salacious stories surrounding his life recently. I'm not a player-hater. I just think he's a tool. People are also watching baseball today. I have not done that in a while and I still won't. The above hottie is Katy Mixon of Eastbound & Down fame. Kitty likes to scratchy.

Important news about doo-doo from Alternet, seriously. [Alternet]

My Gally Blog post from last week on fellow blogger Logic's comedy debut. [The Gally Blog]

Video from last night's Cleveland Show of the song "Balls Deep" featuring "No-tippin'" Scotten Pippen. Now all of the blogs with themes related to balls have a theme song, yay!


This article on blind people doing martial arts is dated April 5th, not April 1st. Either they have a problem with their publishing software or the story is real and blind people are going to know karate. [Trinidad & Tobago's Newsday]

My first post at Edge was about the upcoming host lineup on Saturday Night Live. I'm probably going to try do one a day and wait for the other new additions to come pick up the slack. Tunison was right. The cricket sounds are deafening. [Edge]

In case you missed it, here are LOL NCAA pictures from Daddy's Sugar Ball. These are funny. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]

A new novel, American Subversive, has one narrator who is a terrorist and one who is a blogger. [Good Reads]

That is all. Stay nonpopular, people. Post about Shutter Island coming up later today.

I Do Not Like The Office

“Hey, let’s have the potential to make a hilarious show, but instead make it painfully uncomfortable to watch. Har, har. That would be fun. We’ll be like Andy Kaufman, but totes more rad.” That is what I imagine The Office writers’ room to be like. I bet they hipsterly say totes instead of totally. I have been watching the show for several seasons because my wife likes it, but I can not stand it any longer. The show actually makes me angry. There are plenty of funny moments. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy running “that’s what she said” into the ground as much as the next fellow, but their striving to make us, the viewers, uncomfortable has turned me off for good. The only bright spot for me is Mindy Kaling who plays Kelly. She is also a writer for the show. I like her character, but I also just plain have a thing for Indian chicks.

Even the occasional reader to this blog knows that I am already deep in hate with NBC after they crushed the dream of my comedy hero, Conan O’Brien, to host The Tonight Show for a reasonable amount of time instead of the seven months they gave him. I infamously made the claim that I would no longer watch NBC programming except for Community, Parks & Recreation, 30 Rock, and any NFL-related broadcasts and not support companies that advertise on NBC if I knew who they were and had an alternative to their products. It’s kind of hard to know if I am keeping the latter promise since I don’t watch NBC, but you get the idea of my level of hate, right? I have been breaking the first pledge by watching The Office for the sake of my wife but no longer. I refuse to be a pawn in your manipulative game, people associated with The Office. The last new episode from last week is a great example. The show started off funny. I was laughing a little, and then Michael went out to the car and put on the Kangol hat. That hat turned the show into a different show like Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top. It was damn near unwatchable after that. If I want to be that uncomfortable I would visit my in-laws. I don’t want to hear crap about me “not getting it.” Believe me, I get it. I’m an effin chevalier of comedy as far as your concerned. Well, not in doing comedy, but I’m a chevalier in appreciating it. The show where Michael had to tell the kids he couldn’t give them a scholarship from earlier in the season is the best proof of my point. Remind yourself with this video. This blog hasn’t been nonpopulist enough for my taste these days. I needed to find myself a little bit.

Here is the only clip I could find from that atrocious episode where Michael tells the kids he can not pay for their college after they had been banking on it since third grade. That is so funny. You guys should really delve into the world of bestiality. I hear there is a lot of comedy there ripe for the picking.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Unhappy April Fool's Day! Let us all collectively give a sigh, eyeroll, and dismissive hand wank motion to one of the stupidest days of the year. I've only fallen for one April Fool's joke, and I'm not telling you what it was because it's embarrassing. I need some links to get me through the day, and I bet you do as well. Let me oblige you. In other news I just signed on to blog out with my balls out at The Edge. All that means is as The Nonpopulist's virus spreads across the internet, the host (this site) will become more and more sickly. It will stay alive and I will definitely use this site as an aggregate for my links as they appear elsewhere online.

The above picture was posted on Kurt Sutter's twitter account. He's the creator of Sons of Anarchy and offered Conan a guest spot on the show as an IRA gangster after his departure from NBC. I wish he would take him up on it.

The Hangover 2 is happening. I just recently saw the first one through the magic of Netflix. It was funny. Here's hoping #2 is as good. [FilmDrunk]

I like a good Tumblr site. I like animated gifs. Those two things combined equal love. I found this on Aziz Ansari's twitter feed. [gifs of popular rappers]

So hopefully the rumor that Michael Bay is doing a remake of Rosemary's Baby is just a rumor. Entertainment Weekly seems to think so [Entertainment Weekly]

In a post for The Gally Blog I detail some of NFL player Chris Johnson's demands before he will play next season for the Tennessee Titans. [The Gally Blog]

Rise of the 'Retrosexual.' Not much explanation needed to get you to click on this link. [WithLeather]

I'll leave you with a video of Noel Gallagher sans most of Oasis playing a gig at Royal Albert Hall to benefit the charity Teenage Cancer Trust. Please go solo, Noel. Please.