Oasis Update: The Band Getting Back Together??? Plus Update on Singles Album

The band is getting back together albeit in a bastardized form WITHOUT NOEL! Liam Gallagher, Gem Archer, Andy Bell, and some queef named Chris Sharrock have put together a band called Beady Eye according to the official Oasis website. If Noel's not in the band then it's not Oasis and it won't be good. (Whose side do you think I took when the band broke up? The talented side.)
Since Oasis (2nd favorite band ever) broke up in August I have gone through however many stages of grief there are. Denial, anger, the rest, and now I am just waiting for Noel to do his long-rumored solo project. Sh*t, I'd go see him do an acoustic set by himself with Oasis b-sides. I have said many times that Noel Gallagher is one of the best songwriters of our generation. It's such a shame that anytime anyone in America hears Oasis they instantly think Wonderwall. That crap kills me. It's not like I go around advertising and telling everyone that I'm such a big Oasis fan, but if I know someone and it eventually comes out that I like Oasis they immediately always say harharyehIlikeWonderwall-it'stheironlygoodsong and then drool on themselves. That sends me into a Tasmanian devil-type rage twirling around the room grabbing genitals and wallets because screw you. You know nothing about Oasis, you lazy American twat. It's the only song you ever heard because it was the only one fed to you via mainstream American radio. Calming down now.
Oasis is also releasing a singles collection which I will not buy because I've already heard them all. Here's Noel talking about the singles collection "Time Flies" and then another video talking about one of my favorite Oasis songs, "Cigarettes & Alcohol."

The Beginning 8 Minutes of Back to the Future 1 and 2 Synced Up

Yes, it is as cool as it sounds. If you don't like the Back to the Future movies we can't be friends anymore. Stop reading this blog... now. That's probably taking it a bit too far, but I do enjoy falling into the trap of watching any of the three movies on TNT on Saturday afternoons. Anyway, this video has about the first eight minutes of Back to the Future I & II synced up. The guy who made it said it's not 100% perfect, but I beg to differ. Wow, what the internet can do. It's a marvel. And Elisabeth Shue, wow, what I could do to her. She always makes my boner flutter. Loved her in Adventures in Babysitting. That is such an underrated movie.

Hat tip to Household Hacker for the link.

Remember That Time People Drank Fat Mike's Pee at SXSW? Or Did They?

It probably didn't happen. Since my previous post has led to more search traffic than any post I have ever done I thought it a good idea to post an update on this story. See my original post on the whole Fat Mike making people drink his pee and them cheering about it here. Yesterday on the FatWreckChords (the name of Mike's record label- wordplay is a strength and staple of Fat Mike's) twitter feed a link was posted to a Youtube video which shows Fat Mike pulling a houdini-esque move of subtly switching out bottles just before he went on stage. The NOFX front man hit the SXSW crowd with the ol' okie doke apparently. But why, Mike? People cheered for it when they thought they drank your pee. Why ruin their elation? That is such a Poseur (title to a favorite NOFX song) move. The people who actually thought they got the chance to drink from one of your golden shot glasses will no longer be able to brag to their friends they tasted your urine mixed with tequila.What a disappointment for them. The original video obviously cut out the switching of the bottles. If you want you can view that video here. The video posted on Youtube yesterday has the switching of the bottle (with Fat Mike's penis thankfully blurred out) in real speed and slow motion in case you miss it the first time. Here it is:






Hey, at least Fat Mike dribbled some pee on the guy right in front of him. At least he got someone. In the above video some people might get confused because at first glance it seems like the guy standing beside Mike made the switch and then a switch back, but you need to look at the time stamp in the small screen at the top right. So no one drank Fat Mike's pee. Though I'm sure if you're really into that sort of thing he would oblige you. Just don't be too desperate for it, people. And now a video of one of my favorite NOFX concerts to watch online on Youtube from the the Bizarre festival in Cologne, Germany in 1996. It's a medley of Beer Bong and The Brews. Beer Bong is one of my top 10 favorite NOFX songs. I think I like this concert because Fat Mike is so wasted and talks sh*t in one of the videos about banging the chick from the band Garbage.




Ah, NOFX is still one of my favorite bands. Now I'll be watching them on Youtube for a while.

Crimes Against Nature: Autotuned Wolves

Don't click play on this video unless you want it to get funky. T-Pain is going to be so jealous because these wolves can sing! And by sing I mean do what they normally do but make it sound dumber by adding a vocal processor onto their voice called autotune. These poor animals, where is PETA when they are really needed?

Now that his singing career has long been over...

Hat tip to Household Hacker where I found the link to the video. And to whoever made the LOL wolf above, Thank you.

Forget Lost, The 24 Series Finale Is Tonight!

Tonight may be emotional for me. 24 has been one of the most bad a$$ shows ever on television, and I have grown quite fond of it. I can't say the same for Lost. I never watched that show and couldn't give less of a crap than I do about it than I do currently. I've known a few people that were obsessed with and swore by the show, but I didn't get in at the beginning. I was planning to catch up with the DVD's, but then I started hearing about a smoke monster, a smoke monster? So this smoke has consciousness? It plans stuff for the people on the island? When does Scrappy Doo start air-boxing the smoke monster? Are you kidding me? You people watched six seasons of that crap? Alright, never mind about Lost. I'm glad it's over. Lost fans (known as Losties *coughqueercough*) are almost as annoying as SEC footballs fans, but not quite complete a$$ douche level like an Arkansas Razorback fan. I think that is probably why I dislike the show so much even though I've never even watched it. I also have a natural predisposition to pick sides. If I don't like something I have an impulse to denigrate it. If I'm into something I sing its praises. I've been told it's an endearing quality. Then again, some guys have been told it's alright if they can't get an erection. Not that I have ever... never mind. Scratch that from the record.

That is probably my favorite 24 animated gif.

24 ends tonight, and say what you will about this season, I am still sad the show is ending. As I have said before a bad season of 24 is better than 85% of the other crap on television. Never has a show so captured the zeitgeist of America like 24 did. Jack Bauer's painful crusades have been cathartic in an age of fear and terrorism. Those of you with fuzzy memories may not recall, but 24 debuted after 9/11/2001 amid controversy. Kiefer Sutherland discusses it a little in this Entertainment Weekly article. I found it odd in that interview what Sutherland assumes after being asked this question:

"What will be the legacy of 24?
That the issues we’re dealing with in 24 no longer exist, and that it is an earmark of a time gone by."

Is it really a "time gone by?" I'm no fear monger, but I'm fairly sure there is no way to declare the issues of terrorism or torture nonexistent. 24 is a reference point on the map of America almost as much as it is on television. Many people have taken issue with the perceived glorification of violence in the show. I always viewed 24 as having all of the issues they were juggling in a good context. Sure, there was violence and torture, but there were also consequences. The good guys won a lot, but in the reality of the show a nuclear bomb was detonated on American soil. The writers were smart. They didn't just have Jack and other CTU personnel torture suspected terrorists and put bullets in people's heads. There was a struggle between right, wrong, and many gray areas. I'm not sure how the struggle will end. Almost everyone thinks the show won't really end tonight since there is a movie "in production." You may think I'm crazy for floating this theory, but I think Jack will die tonight. I think he wants to die. He's tired of killing everything he touches in his personal life. The writers have been writing around this theme for at least two seasons. What if the whole 24 movie were just a ruse to fool us into not believing Jack will die? Remember this is the show where no character was safe except for Jack since he was played by the big star. Now that no one is under contract for a new television season I think Kiefer's character is fair game. If I'm right (long shot) it would be the biggest misdirection in television series finale history.

You've heard of the video game Red Dead Redemption? Renee Walker has a game she likes to call Red Head Erection. She gets me hot.

We know Renee Walker is dead now so if there is a movie who will be Jack's female lead? Chloe and Jack have always been platonic and Chloe is married with a child anyway. I think Chloe is going to be the one to kill Jack anyway. I think Jack will have sort of an assisted suicide, but more like a samurai than Kevorkian style.

Man, I always hated her character, Kim Bauer, on 24, but she sure is easy on the eyes... and my boner. What I'm trying to say is Elisha Cuthbert easily gives me a boner. There, you happy?
Too much boner talk.

MacGruber: Has the Marketing Convinced You?

The marketing campaign behind the new MacGruber movie has been impressive to say the least. The stars of the movie have been talking it up for a while, Ryan Phillippe hosted Saturday Night Live in promotion of it (because how else would he have been asked to host it?), SNL has still been doing new MacGruber skits each Saturday (even one with Betty White as MacGruber's grandmother), running a twitter account under the handle @grubes69 for a while, some of the characters went on the WWE Monday night show, and just this week the marketing went viral (the buzz word that gives advertising people boners) on the internet with "nude" photos of MacGruber being "leaked" on a site that I frequent called What Would Tyler Durden Do? The result of the campaign for the blogger who runs the site was hilarious after he jokingly bragged that some people had paid him a lot of money for promoting the movie and all of his loyal commenters proceeded to rake him over the coals for being a money whore. I would assure Brendan the heat he is taking is 100% jealousy.
The biggest question for the people who undertook the mass marketing campaign will be if it works. I think they did a good job personally. They took me from a "definitely will not see because I am a cynical assbag" to a "maybe."
Here's a video from Funny or Die of a guy doing a bit during the press junket for MacGruber:

MacGruber Press Junket - watch more funny videos

So did the marketing convince or did it go in one ear and out the other? Interesting note: my wife and I vowed a few years ago to never watch a promo or trailer for any Will Ferrell movie ever again because all the jokes were always ruined. We started that promise with the movie Semi-Pro, and I kid you not, we have laughed at all of his movies from Semi-Pro on. It takes a lot of commitment, but I recommend it.

Twitdown: Coining a New Phrase for the Twitter Meltdown

We've all seen them. We've all been entertained by them. The Twitter Meltdown. A Twitter Meltdown is when a twitter user busts off a series of inflammatory, defensive, or otherwise spastic tweets regarding something in their online or real life. They often include replies to users and retweets of what people have tweeted to the one melting down with additional commentary. There have been several notable twitter meltdowns in recent memory, but I am not here to name names. I'm here to coin a phrase. I propose that henceforth that we call Twitter Meltdowns "Twitdowns." The economy of space being ever critical when using the micro-blogging site it makes sense to combine and condense whenever possible. I have searched the term twitdown and have not found it used to mean what I am proposing here, but I am open to being shown if someone has coined it somewhere else first. I wouldn't want to be accused of stealing someone else's idea, or I may have a twitdown.


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Video of Multi-Talented Police Officer Who Can Do Impressions While Being Tased

A Chewbacca impression is hard to do. I have only known about two or three people who could do one well. I thought I would do a more lighthearted post about police officers to balance out the too serious one I did yesterday. I've been trying to not take myself too seriously because I know no one wants to read that, but it's hard. Enough whining, on with the video. CHEWBACCA COP!

What If Vic Mackey Had Taught People How to Outsmart Him?

Barry Cooper, a former Texas police officer notorious for questionable tactics and results that pleased his superiors has switched roles since his retirement from the police force. This article by Michael May of the Texas Observer and reprinted on Alternet details a police career that reads like the fictional character from FX's The Shield, Vic Mackey. What's different about Cooper is after he left the police force he completely switched sides of the law and has produced a series of videos called Never Get Busted Again and been an in-general nuisance to law enforcement. Now "the man" will show you how to beat "the man!" He even has a website. I highly recommend you check it out for the entertainment value alone, but it also includes some helpful tips on dealing with law enforcement and has resources you can purchase. He even set up production on a television show where he ran a sting operation on a police force he suspected might be dirty . He posted video of the sting in which he used a staged weed grow house on Youtube:



That takes a lot of guts to do, even if you are a former cop and know your way around the law like Cooper does. Unfortunately Cooper's story does not have a happy ending for now. As many of you may know cops are often vindictive dicks, and they obviously did not take kindly to being given a black eye. From the above linked story by Michael May:

"Williamson County police arrested Cooper, and they did something police almost never do: raided his home on a misdemeanor charge. The charge was: “false report to a peace officer," for a phone call made to police about the duffel bag left at the school."

The officers even called child services alleging that Cooper and his wife had given drugs to their 17 year old daughter. There was enough speculation that now Cooper's stepson, Zach, has been disallowed from staying with him by his biological father who has filed for custody of the boy. I think what the author May did a good job of conveying with his article is Barry Cooper is a guy looking for redemption, much like Michael Chiklis' classic character from The Shield should have been looking for. He was beginning to find that redemption albeit in an unconventional manner, and as soon as he started to make some amends the system beat him down. He wasn't rapping on a song saying F*&% the Police or anything silly. He was trying to hold law enforcement accountable and, from what Michael May has written, it seems they have broken him for now. I hope he makes a comeback from his personal turmoil because honestly he is a real life super hero to me. Police in this country have gone too far, and it's not as if they are going to get more considerate. A police officer can not be told anything except exactly what they want to hear exactly how they want to hear it or the person saying it is likely to get tazed or maybe worse. For more on my views on police, click to police tag on the right side of the page, but there are more extensive websites on police abuse out there if you search for them.
Wow, what a downer post. I'm going to go listen to some Rage Against the Machine and clean one of my guns. TAKE THE POWER BACK!

He-Man Sings 4 Non Blondes

A video that will make fans of the classic cartoon feel nostalgic and then laugh. This video cuts up footage of the well-known cartoon as if He-Man was singing the classic song "What's Up?" by the 4 Non Blondes. It's as good as it sounds. Hat tip to Ryan Gallivan of the Gally Blog (one of the other places I write frequently) and Wimp.com.




Solid gold job, internet. I feel like such a bum if I don't post something here every weekday. Real life would just not chill enough today for me to do a real post. Maybe I'll squeeze in another half-hearted shorty like this one. I've got an epic post planned for tomorrow. 

How Much Is Your Dead Body Worth?

Sometimes a question is asked that I did not even realize I wanted to know the answer to. And sometimes that question is also answered. That is the case with this documentary film aptly titled, "How Much Is Your Dead Body Worth?" The title really jumps off of the screen, right? You can view the whole documentary here at the awesome website Top Documentary Films. Yep, that's an easy bookmark if you didn't already know about that site. They have many documentary films you can stream for free right from their site.So I have a question for the makers of this documentary or the modern-day grave robbers that make all these millions of dollars on cadavers- if the body is fatter is it worth more? Do you guys pay by the pound? The reason I ask is because I know a lot of fat people. Also, in what sort of condition do you guys accept bodies? Do I have to kill people myself or do you have some sort of Saw III torture deaths planned out?
Through the magic of embedded video you can now view this entire documentary directly from The Nonpopulist.

Get Your Party Liquor Ready, New Season of Squidbillies Begins This Sunday Night

Your comprehensive update on all things Squidbillies (premiering this Sunday, May 16th at midnight EST, 11pm CST.) NO ONE covers Squidbillies like The Nonpopulist. NO ONE.
"What in the hell is Squidbillies," you may be asking. Ok, noob, Squidbillies is an animated show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block of programming that kicks ass. The story centers around a family of redneck squids living in the mountains of Georgia. The patriarch of the family, Early Cuyler is an ex-convict who is barely trying to raise a son, Rusty Cuyler, as a single father along with other relatives who live with them, Granny and Aunt Lil. They are racist against white people, they drink and drive, and general hilarity ensues thanks to writers who I have a sneaking suspicion use crystal meth. For more help illuminating what Squidbillies is all about I have selected two short video clips:


and


"My name's Early, and I'm a real pugnut."
If that doesn't whet your whistle then we might not be able to be friends anymore. The season premiere is this Sunday, May 16th at midnight EST and will feature the band Widespread Panic. I'm not all that high on hippie jam bands and neither is the Cuyler clan so I'm anxious to see how that plays out. Other guest stars this season include Chad Ocho Cinco and the band Drive-by Truckers. I think they are going to do something making fun of Insane Clown Posse this season too. The only evidence of that I have is this picture tweeted from the Squidbillies twitter account.

They also shot a promo for the new season with Unknown Hinson, the voice of the main character Early Cuyler. He is also an alt-rockabilly musician in his own right as well as recently joining Billy Bob Thornton's band. I'm also a fan of Hinson's music and saw him in concert one time, and I would definitely see him again if he came somewhere close enough. View the promo he shot below where he also alludes to meth use.




Bonus picture of someone with a Squidbillies tattoo. If people are getting tattoos of it, the show must be good, right?

On the Road Movie: A Real Mouthfarter

People have been asking my opinion of the On the Road movie based on the classic Jack Kerouac book currently in the works. My initial reaction is simply typing "/mouthfart" is not sufficient enough to encompass how much I dread this movie. We need to build a bigger mouth in order to more efficiently hold all of the mouthfart production needed to describe how I feel about this movie. The good people over at Beatdom (check them out) cover the On the Road developments as well as gives updates about the Charles Bukowski and William S Burroughs movies. They take a more positive stance than me on the prospects for the movie. I can't blame them. I'm a cynical a$$bag. Just think, there are going to be hipsters trying to act like they have been down with the Beat program all-along and people pretending they have read the book when I know damn well they didn't read it or read it and didn't get it.
I have been reluctant to think about the possible outcomes, much less do a post about it. Let me shock you by saying I am not at all looking forward to the movie. Yes, I use a picture of Jack Kerouac as my avatar for twitter and other places. Yes, I have read the seminal work by Kerouac two times and listened to the audio book version as read by Matt Dillon as well as the small selection that exists of Kerouac reading a portion of the book. Actually, Matt Dillon's audio book recording is a good example of why I cringe at the idea of an On the Road movie. I chose Dillon's reading of the book over the other option I saw available, David Carradine, and Dillon did give the reading a good try. His oral interpretation simply did not do the text justice compared with the audio examples available read by Kerouac himself. I'm not trying to say he should have mimicked the speech patterns exactly, just that he could have been closer. But I will admit I am hard to please in this area. It's like when all of the buzz started about Walk the Line with Joaquiuijn Phuaeoinix playing another one of the persons I admire greatly, Johnny Cash. People expected me to be at the movie theater the first day and gobble up every second. Wrong, I foresaw disappointment, and I was validated. My hope is that no one has to see their heroes immortalized in a crappy movie like mine have been. I watched Walk the Line at home, and I will probably do the same with On the Road lest I go to the theater and am forced to ruin the experience for everyone. The On the Road movie seems inevitable with four people now signed onto the cast.  Kerouac will once again flicker into the pop culture consciousness for a moment. I don't buy that anyone, especially the actors, appreciate my man Jack on any level except the paycheck they will get.

Kristen Stewart- she will be in the On the Road movie.
Bella, we'll have to go on the road to make our love work.

Technical support update: I typed in "Kirsten Dunst hot" in Google image search and my computer blew a gasket. I didn't even know these things had gaskets!
Forgot to mention because I was drunk and literally falling asleep when I wrote this post (doesn't it show in the writing?): The director of this project, Walter Salles, has shot a documentary on his five year struggle to get this movie made. At least I'm excited about the documentary.  

Browsings of the Day: Geocitiesized!

We all remember geocities, right? Relive those days of old with a new website that allows you to Geocitiesize any webpage. It is as fun as it sounds. The above picture is from fukung.net. You can find more of their funny pictures at their facebook page.

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This handy poster is illuminating. Our government spends money poorly. [Death and Taxes]

Community is one of my favorite shows on television. I rarely do a post about it because there is such a saturation in the market. Every other blog in the world is posting about Alison Brie and her escapades, animated gifs, etc. Here's something different, an interview with Dan Harmon, the creator of Community. He is also one of my favorite people to follow on twitter. [Paste Magazine]


Phillies fan taser meme. A little past its prime at this point, but a nice review if you missed any of it. It's no Epic Beard Man, but it will do. [Holy Taco]

SBNation has conducted a scientific poll regarding adults and the wearing of sports jerserys. I'm a jersey t-shirt guy myself. [SBNation]

Vince at FilmDrunk always comes up with great titles for posts. This post is about a movie with Kristen Wiig and he titled it "Kristen Wiig Juggles Flaming Cum or Something." He's got a gift, people. [FilmDrunk]

A recent post I did over at EDGE, one of the other blogs I write for, on President Obama telling college graduates to not waste all of their time on or trust in new media. I pretty much blasted him. See for yourself. Girls and their slutty facebook drinking pictures are discussed. [EDGE]

A post I did for the other blog I write for, The Gally Blog, on the whole Lawrence Taylor situation. I have to warn you, it's tongue-in-cheek. Actually, I hope it's a little offensive. I just covered the story from a different angle. [The Gally Blog]

For a musical selection I give you Grand Buffet. I was riding around in my car the other day playing my ipod and Grand Buffet hit the speakers and my car took off like a rocket ship, the speakers melted onto my ball sack, and I turned potent again. From my cursory internet research I have determined that they are on some sort of hiatus. Also, they have almost no youtube videos with good sound quality.

Li(f)e by Sage Francis Comes Out Today

What is this crap? A late night blog post? But you're only supposed to write blog posts from 10am-3:30pm EST on weekdays because that is when the eastern seaboard has their c*cks in their hands at the workplace as they kill America instead of keeping this country great. Yeh, I'm on to you, eastern seaboard. You're on notice, a$$bags. And you better get used to late night and even lower quality blog posts as I am hopefully rejoining the regular work force soon. That is if I even continue to waste enough time on the internet to write blog posts. I may retire. I'll let you know by training camp. /FAVRE'D.

The new Sage Francis album, Li(f)e (to be read: Life is a Lie,) was released today. Sage Francis is an independent hip-hop artist I have liked for several years. I've seen him in concert about 3 or 4 times. I enjoy his music to the point I feel personally invested in what he does. Here are a few reasons I think you should enjoy him as much as I do.

1. f*ck clear channel: Sage named one of his tours F*ck Clear Channel. That's pretty cool.
2. epiphany count: I got into Sage when I was in college. A friend and eventual roommate and I had this thing going where would listen to a Sage Francis song and count the epiphanies. His music is deep enough where you can get incredible things out of his music if you just listen. In other words it is not just words against a beat.
3. album with indie rockers: This new album, Li(f)e, features collaborations with many indie rock artists and the tour which officially starts tomorrow will feature a live band, Free Moral Agents. Among the artists he worked with on the album are:

Califone, Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse, Jason Lytle of Grandaddy, Chris Walla of Death Cab for Cutie, Tim Fite, Calexico, DeVotchKa, Yann Tiersen, Buck 65 and more. The album was produced by Brian Deck (Modest Mouse, Iron & Wine.) The cover art was done by renowned artist and illustrator Shepard Fairey.

4. "life is just a lie with an f in it and death is definite": That's a line from Sage's song The Cure. Lines like that illustrate number two.
Enjoy this video...



Man, if I actually take this job this blog is going to go down in flames. This is one of the crappiest posts I have ever put up, but I can't spend anymore time on it. Sage deserves better too.

Who Is This Owl City Guy Kidding?

Let me tell you a story. I was driving in my car today on the way to a meeting of little importance and no longer having a sports talk radio station in range and the trip not being long enough to justify hooking up my ipod I turn on FM radio so I could hear some wacky noises in between songs that I'm too old to like. I'm 28, but crotchety way beyond my years. I happen upon a station with sort of a happy electronica beat and a familiar voice. I think to myself, "I've heard this before. It sounds like Postal Service. I didn't know they had a new album. Of course how would I know if they have a new album or not. It's not like I troll message boards for news about Postal Service."
Then the song ends, but what is this? The DJ says "that was Owl City." Say whaaa? Maybe they changed the name for Postal Service to Owl City because of some sort of legal issue with the United States Postal Service. I resolve to inquire further on the matter once I get to a computer. Now I am up to speed on the whole situation and find that the Owl City and Postal Service are completely different groups that sound exactly alike. I plan to set the internet ablaze with my findings, but of course everyone has already commented on it. I am the last person to be aware. The funny thing is the Owl City guy, Adam Young, denies he is completely ripping of Postal Service but cites them as an influence. Way to stick to your whiny guns, douche.

"All this denial has me emotional."

Anyway, that's your whiny music update for the day. That Postal Service album was good, though.

Betty White Foretold Her Appearance on SNL Video/ I Am a Golden Girls' Fan

Just in time for her Mother's Day weekend Saturday Night Live hosting spot, a Betty White post. It's like I plan this crap. I am not ashamed to admit I enjoy The Golden Girls. I use to watch it with my grandmother hilariously enough, and I still catch it once in a great while on syndication on the Women's Entertainment channel. The Golden Girls was a funny show, and Betty White regularly showed off her impeccable comedic timing on the series. And boy was she a looker back in her day (picture above). Hubba, hubba. You see, reader, being a nonpopulist is not about not liking anything that is popular and liking everything that is unpopular. On the contrary, to me the name nonpopulist means that I evaluate things on an individual basis and decide for myself if I like them trying my best to not be influenced by what other people think of said thing. So there that is.
With all of that being said I honestly never thought Betty White would get to host Saturday Night Live even after the massive internet uproar through Facebook on her behalf. Instead of supporting the cause I did an internet eye roll. But hey, it all worked out in the end for her, right? I am not making the same mistake on the Facebook group calling for Tim & Eric of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! Click on it. Like it. Don't underestimate the power of intertubes like I did.
So here is the video from The Golden Girls where Betty White predicts the future. Not really, but you'll see what I mean after you watch it.



Also, link to a bonus video of the final scene of The Golden Girls that I may or may not have just watched and cried about. Shut up!
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An Internet Belletrist Creates and Settles an Argument about an Unimportant Topic

Roger Ebert has been carrying on about video games and their status as art it seems since time immemorial. I have tried my best to let it go without comment, but his original post on the subject is dated April 16, 2010. He has since retweeted about it over a dozen times. He won't let it die, and why should he? He has almost 4,000 comments on that entry alone so you can chalk this up to pure envy if you like. You should definitely read his piece since it will help inform the discussion I will attempt to have here and it is well-written, as most of his pieces are. So why would I put everyone's favorite Twitterer and recent winner of the Webby Person of the Year Award on blast? Let me get a few disclaimers out of the way before I go any further:

• I'm not an internet or real life bully by nature, and that is not what this post is about. I take issue at the premise of the argument and why 'video games as art' even needs discussion.
• I have read Ebert's reviews before and enjoyed them. I have also followed him on twitter for several months. I even use to watch At the Movies and liked it.
• No matter what you read after the current bullet list this post is not about hating on Ebert so much as the origins of argument of the video games as art debate. That is to say this is not another 'Ebert is old and doesn't get it argument.' I'm not internet attacking Ebert, but I am also not going to coddle his e-balls like everyone else does. It's like people are afraid to cross him online.
• I am not a hard-core gamer. I don't own a video game console. I have 4 PC games, one of which I play with any regularity, Left 4 Dead 2. Oooohh, I put the title in italics, does that mean it's art now?

The origins of the video games as art debate are suspicious at best. Not that it matters at this point, but a few people spouting off a faulty premise does not an issue that needs addressing make. No one is bringing their video games to Cannes to screen them. The people at EA are not wearing thick black frame glasses, berets, and going to coffee shops to cut themselves. Who said a video game is art anyway? From the second paragraph in Ebert's entry it appears two people on record made that assertion and prompted Mr. Ebert to write a post. I wonder if Ebert knew the all along his entry would be viewed as an attack on video games and cause gamers to put down their energy drinks, come to his blog, and comment so that they may stumble upon something that actually is art and quit wasting their lives playing video games.
Most people play video games simply to shoot shit or gather crystals and orbs to pass the time and have fun.. When I tell a friend about a video game I don't cut off my ear lobe and send them a letter advising him if we play this video game we may be moved to tears and be bosom buddies forever. I send an email and say, "Check out all this shit blowing up and all of these zombies we can shoot. Kick ass, bitch." It's not serious. My friends and I get drunk and play until 3am in the morning about once every two months at this point. We are old enough that it is not a focal point but more of an excuse to hang out and talk shit online- pure mindless entertainment. Even at the point where I was playing video games with the most frequency if someone would have asked me if I thought video games were art I probably would have retorted something like, "Is an anus a vagina? Why are we even talking about this?"
So now that Roger has generated this argument out of nothing, he proceeds to play you all for fools. I'm sure he had to expect people would just call him old and accuse him of "not getting it." Many commenters on his post played right into his hands. He continually pwned gamers short on defenses thought Twitter, the noobs.
The whole argument is pointless, though. Let me see if I can use a correlative metaphorical argument to demonstrate how I see this whole back and forth.

Person 1 (Ebert): "Hey, I don't think Gatorade is soup."

Person 2 (Many commenters on Ebert's video game post): "Really? Well, I never in all my... Certainly it shares so many characteristics with soup. It is made in a similar way. Well, have you tried the new G2? Try that and tell me it's not soup.

Person 3 (me): "It's not soup. It's Gatorade. It's different than soup. They have being mostly liquid in common, but that is about all."

Video games use images and sounds like some forms of art, but it has never even entered anyone's mind that a screen capture of Halo should be hanging in The Louvre. Hey, internet, forks are not combs. Do you want to fight about it? "... but that bird in The Little Mermaid said they were." Yes, I have watched The Little Mermaid, and it was obvious the bird was pulling that statement out of his butt. I have a little sister and growing up I was made to watch the whole Disney animated catalog with her multiple times. The Fox and the Hound will probably still make me cry if I watch it right now. I had almost every line from Aladin and Beauty and the Beast memorized for a while also. Go ahead. Make fun of me. I am so gobsmacked with the internet right now.

Happy Cinco de Mayo Video!

 I got you a Cinco de Mayo present. Enjoy. I'm about to go eat some nachos and speak Spanish.

Which Parkour Video Is Better?

Both of these videos are great, but for different reasons. Parkour is "the physical discipline of training to overcome any obstacle within one's path by adapting one's movements to the environment"according to Wikipedia. So for all I know Parkour could have been Miss America 1998, and the Wikipedia entry has only been edited to make it seem like the physical activity that was a fad, then made fun of, then came back as again but with people realizing it's still kind of supposed to be made fun of, and was recently featured on another crappy episode of The Office (thus explaining the hot picture of Jenna Fischer above.) I'll let you decide which of these Parkour videos is better.
The first features Damian Walters. He is more than just another parkour (I don't even think it should be capitalized, should it?) guy. He looks like a gymnast and he is a stuntman too, I think. This is a must-see video.



My friends made fun of me when I sent them that video. Screw them, right? That was awesome.
The other video is also great. Check it.



Now that was nice. I'd like to see these two compete. In fact, I would pay to see it... like $5.

Wait, There's Spam Death Threats Now?

We all receive spam messages in our email everyday, but some stand out more than others. I was glancing at my gmail spam folder today (which I have found to have the best spam filtering of any free email program) and noticed something different than the ordinary "Come look at my webcam, pervert" and "Make millions on the internet using the same scam I am using right now" junk. O, I almost forgot the Olivia Wilde sexy tits and lesbian make out with Megan Fox while Christina Hendricks watches with her big boobs spam (hello Google search perverts!) This spam message was different because it was an actual death threat. Wouldn't it be noble if it were a death threat because I had hard-hitting insight and commentary on our world today? I think it would be, but no, this seems too vague and the English too broken to be directed at your beloved internet partisan, The Nonpopulist. The picture above is the image of Mohammed which South Park was going to use for their 200th episode, but Comedy Central decided to play it safe and censor the image so as not to offend the Islamic community/ get blown the crap up. I post in now because if I am going to get death threats they might as well be substantive. Here is the text of the email death threat I received:

How are you.
   Am very sorry for you my friend, is a pity that this is how your life is going to end as soon as you don't comply.As you can see there is no need of introducing myself to you because I don't have any business with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL/ASSASSINATE you and I have to do it as I have already been paid for that.
   Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told me that he want you dead and he provided us with your name ,picture and other necessary information's we needed about you. So I sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation on you, and they have done that but I told them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and see if your life is Important to you or not since their findings shows that you are innocent.
   I called my client back and ask him of you email address which I didn't tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I am using it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you.
   Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you. Get back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your life, If you are not ready for my help, then I will carry on with my job straight-up.
   WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELL ANYONE BECAUSE I WILL KNOW. REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, IN CASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.
   DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:30PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD AFTER YOU HAVE COMPLIED WITH MY DEMANDS, THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION.
   GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT YOUR REPLY

KILL/ASSASSINATE me? Little old me? But, why? ...Wait, so now I'm innocent? Why are you emailing me with a chance to pay my way out? Is it all about the money in your killer-for-hire business? You are playing a dangerous game going behind the back of your client to give me a chance to save my own life, but I am grateful for the opportunity. Allow me to plead. I have a wife, and I have not yet impregnated her with my seed so that my name may carry on. I am an ok person. Some people think I am a know-it-all asshole, though. I drink a lot. I use tobacco products from time to time. I have little drive and motivation to succeed, but I enjoy having consciousness. Wait a minute, you're English syntax is falling apart here, man. How am I supposed to take your assassin business seriously if you can't even speak Anglish? So 7:30 is make out time? Nice, I'll give your mom a call then. I don't think I will be meeting your demands, though, as it has already been four days since you emailed this warning. I don't much about your industry, but I would assume follow-through is important, wuss.
Now since all of that serious business is done, bask in the awesomeness of this Youtube clip of a poor man's Soul Train dancing to "It's Time for the Percolator." I dare you to make it through the whole video. You don't have the balls!