Stupid Baby Names Reaching a Fever Pitch

Hey ladies who are currently pregnant or may become pregnant and significant others, there is not a contest to see who can name their child the dumbest thing. If there were such a contest Gwyneth Paltrow would have already won it when she named her kid 'Apple.' It's getting harder and harder to look at people with a straight face when they tell me they named their child something like 'Maize' or 'Cerulean.' Wait, you named your child after a name for corn no one uses or a crayon color you only get with the really big packs of crayons? Why has naming a child something offbeat moved from mere isolated incidents to an out and out trend? The line is being blurred on what a normal name even is, and I really don't see a reversal in this trend. I'm not saying every boy should be named 'John' and every girl named 'Elizabeth', but 'Toshiba' is crossing a line. You may be wondering why I have a picture of Anna Paquin in this post. Well, besides sexing this place up a bit it is because of this Entertainment Weekly article in which Vlada Gelman discusses the recent spike in parents naming their girls 'Sookie,' the name of Paquin's character on her HBO series True Blood. It doesn't matter how much you like a television show, you don't name your kid after a character on one. Name your pet rabbit 'Sookie,' not your child whom you love and want to look out for. Parents are supposed to feel an obligation to protect their offspring, not make a joke by naming them after a flash-in-the-pan excuse to see some violence and boobs on HBO's Sunday night lineup.
I would give parents who are mulling over names like 'Tangerine' or 'Letter Opener' the traditional warning that naming your child something stupid may get them beat up or made fun of on the playground, but with the proliferation of weird names the kids who have normal names are going to have sore arms from all of the punching. If parents are really having a hard time with names you could just open up the Bible. Nehemiah is a kick ass name.

Conan's New Show on TBS and First Tour Stop

TBS? Really Conesy? Conan announced yesterday via twitter and several news outlets have confirmed that Conan will indeed host a late night show this fall but not on Fox as had been rumored. No, TBS is the winner of the Conan O'Brien sweepstakes, although I simply cannot imagine what made TBS, the Superstation and place where I watched Atlanta Braves baseball growing up, the better choice. I'll watch Conan anywhere he goes, but this decision is baffling to me. I'm honestly overwhelmed by the glut of Conan coverage available on the internet, and I have about 6 firefox tabs open to prove it . Where were you people months ago when I was emailing NBC and Hulu to make sure that me watching the show on Hulu counted toward the ratings or was kept track of in some way? I guess Conan has always been a periphery comedy source that people have taken him for granted. For me he was always a focus. Save for a few years before the existence of DVR and when crazy college life made it impractical to watch him I have been a regular viewer since about his 5th season at the old Late Night gig. I guess I'll remain hopeful since that what Conan's wish was in his last episode as Tonight Show host when he told me to "never be cynical." Here's some links worth reading I have collected.
Blog Critics'
Chocago Sun-Times
AltReport (joke)
Vulture Blog (with video)
Conan's first tour stop was last night and pictures and video have leaked already. Vulture Blog has a good post on it. I'm still bitter because I won't be able to attend the tour stop in my area.

I'm inconsolable right now. I hope things work for Conan on TBS. Maybe he chose them since it's not a major network and he will have a little more leeway since no one will be clamoring for his job besides George Lopez.

Tiger Woods Nike Commercial Redubbed

Lost in the frenzy of people judging Tiger Woods' actions is the fact that golf is boring. The only thing worse than watching golf on television is having to play golf. Golf is almost a worse non-sport than driving (NASCAR) yet I am forced to hear about it every time I turn on the television or look at my twitter feed thanks to Tiger. The issue is not how many women with which Tiger has had sexy time. The issue is how much golf sucks. That is why I am happy to see the internet parody machine humming along and producing videos such as this one where the recent Nike advertisement that dubs one of Tiger's voicemails that leaked during the incident over the black and white footage of Tiger looking all serious. "Hey, look at me. I'm serious golfer man. I've got laser sharp focus and a libido that makes your dad seem gay. If you want to know anything look at the police report. I'm about to go hit a golf ball." I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not really into this today. Here's a picture of Elin that stirs my boner interest.

A Champagne Primer: What You Need to Know

Whether it be a celebration such as New Year's Eve or a Sunday morning mimosa I look for any excuse I can find to enjoy a glass of champagne. Yes, I enjoy champagne, and I also realize that some people consider it a foo-foo or girly drink. I don't agree, although I am more likely to reach for a beer or whiskey I truly enjoy champagne. That's why I got excited when I picked up a Complex Magazine from a few months ago and they had an informational page about champagne. I specifically like the part where they give you advice on reading the label of a champagne bottle. Here is a sample of the wonderful information provided by Complex with some of my comments mixed in:

1. Vintage vs. Non-Vintage: Ummm, you only drink non-vintage so don't worry about this one. Vintage is the expensive stuff.
2. Sweet vs. Dry: This is a scale from the driest champagne type to the sweetest: extra brut (driest), brut, extra dry, sec, demi-sec, doux (sweetest).
3. Designation: The three choices here are premier cru (best), grand cru, and not rated. The designation is the quality rating of the vineyard in which the grapes were grown. Most of what regular people drink is not rated. Complex points out that if champagne is not rated it doesn't mean it's crap, it's just not rated. I think I had a grand cru one time at a tasting, but I can't remember for sure.
4. NM vs. RM: RM on the label means the grapes come from a single grower. NM means the grapes come from multiple growers. Again, you are probably not high class enough for one of these choices.

My enjoyment of champagne is but one of the many contrasts in my life. I am a walking juxtaposition. If nothing else, consider this a license to be a man and still enjoy champagne. I am secure enough in my manhood to admit I like champagne, read and write poetry, and own a bichon-frise. I also have a beard, like hot women, own guns, and scratch myself. Think I'm a wuss? Want to fight me? Remember, I have guns. My wife makes fun of me because I have these bitchy rules for mimosa consumption. I will list them here for posterity to laugh at.
1. There are no rules on orange juice to champagne ratio. Pour to taste.
2. Mimosas must be consumed only on Sunday with one exception- New Year's Day. Regardless of what day New Year's falls on, it is acceptable to have mimosas to begin the new year. If you haven't tried it I encourage you to get a nice mimosa buzz before you watch the NFL on Sunday. It's freaking awesome.
3. Mimosa consumption must begin before noon on Sunday. It can continue to through 2PM regardless of what time you start as long as it begins before noon. Did I just make too big of a deal out of champagne? Yes, I did.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Latest post ever. My internet has been down most of the day so I have an excuse (as if you care.) The above video is Oasis' "Falling Down." This is one of the best music videos in recent memory. I am an incredible Oasis fan, but I didn't really like this song until I saw the video which is weird because I love every Oasis song.

Another profile on Conan. Not to get all fanboy on everyone, but I actually watched his shows.[New York Times]

Uproxx has a feature on the top ten reality TV celebrities that are most deserving of a grisly death. [Uproxx]

Tosh.0 gets renewed for a third season before the second one has even aired? That's a mandate! [WarmingGlow]

Kurt Sutter, creator and showrunner for Sons of Anarchy has a blog and, as you can imagine, it is awesome. Here is his latest entry on the recent lawsuit filed by Nicolette Sheridan against Marc Cherry. He succeeded in making it relevant. [Sutter Ink]

My latest entry at The Gally Blog about how depressing the America's Game: The Missing Rings and how depressing the series is. [The Gally Blog]

My Edge entry on the new Matt Nix show The Good Guys. I'm hoping it's going to be good. [Edge]

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

What's good, internet? Anyone got any anecdotal info on Salvia? I heard about it on a rerun of Tosh.0. Apparently this stuff is legal. If it's legal, sign me up.

I saw this picture posted on Postsecret's twitter feed. It was snapped at SXSW in Austin TX.

Net neutrality takes a step back. If there is anything to get passionate about, this is it, people. Get informed and get active. [AP via Google]
To take action go here- [Save the Internet]

Online glossary with some important internet lingo. This will help the elderly and oblivious. [ShaneBacon Tumblr]

The Tiger Woods soundboard. These are always fun for a few minutes. [Slate]

"Screw countercultures," says Chodin in this Uproxx feature. [Uproxx]

Cat in a polo shirt? Sure, why not. [h0rkblr]

Unreality has 8 funny Jorma Taccone videos. He' s one of the guys from Lonely Island and he is a writer on Saturday Night Live among other credits. [Unreality]

The inventor of box wine has passed away. Spout some out for the homie. RIP [Asylum]

Shutter Island Review

Timely, huh? I don't get to the theater much and it seems like whenever my wife and I do decide it's time for a trip to the movies there is never anything good playing. I'm not falling for Hot Tub Time Machine. Repo Men looks like a 'wait until it airs on TNT' kind of movie even though I am a Whitaker fan. Clash of the Titans and She's Out of My League look horrible, and the rest of the movies showing are not even worth mentioning. Shutter Island won by default and the fact that Scorsese directed it and DiCaprio stars in it made me hopeful. Part of the problem of seeing movies late in their theater run is you inevitably hear that someone liked it or didn't like it and that will influence the movie-going experience. I did my best to put those things out of my mind with a large butter popcorn and some Reese's Pieces.
On to the spoilers...
The movie was visually untouchable. Lighting, cuts, and the other back end movie stuff were all on point. DiCaprio gets paid the big bucks because he owns movies. He owns the screen like Denzel Washington or Tom Hanks. His presence, essence, aura, whatever you want to call it bumps this picture up a few more notches than if someone else had played the lead role. As far as the story and genre the movie was a creepy thriller which is not quite a horror movie, not quite a psychological thriller. The story and feel of the film reminded me a little of The Number 23 with Jim Carrey. The twist at the end honestly caught me off guard, and that is one of the biggest compliments I can give a movie. Usually I can see it coming a mile away due to telegraphing from the writing or acting.
I was pleasantly surprised to learn Ted Levine played a part in this movie as the warden of Shutter Island. He is one of my favorite character actors. Bullet with Levine and Mickey Rourke is worth seeing on Levine's performance alone. I also just found out from his IMDB page Ted Levine has been in a lot of Monk episodes. I have never watched that show. After thinking about it I'm still not going to give it a chance even on the Levine cred.
The only question I was left with after Shutter Island was at the end. After thinking about it walking out to my car I determined DiCaprio's character chose the lobotomy because he did not want to remember the truth. I think the therapy worked, and he remembered everything. He just didn't want the knowledge of what really happened to his family, thus the original psychosis. I rated it 3 out of 5 on Netflix.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Blogging at Buffalo Wild Wings has its advantages. I'm ready for my blogging endorsement deal.

A profile on Wire and Treme creator David Simon by New York Magazine. [New York Magazine]

The Whitest Kids U Know is airing on IFC so I have been watching this sketch show more frequently. Here is a clip I saw on a recently that is funny and offensive, especially at the end.

I don't know how many fans of the Left 4 Dead video game franchise are out there. I like it. In both editions of the game there is a zombie character called a witch. Someone decided to reenact the witch character in real life. They did a good job. The video is weird and freaky- just like the game. [Unreality]

Uproxx feature on mind-reading technology that will undo civilization as we know it [Uproxx]

I saw this "article" on five things not to do in academic writing and I went off. I can't stand this crap anymore.
Read the "article" here, and you can see why I got irritated. I commented on the "article" but in case they take it down I will reprint my comment here. "This is groundbreaking stuff. Avoid errors. I need to put this into practice since when I write informally as in an email to a friend purpossselyyy misspell wordsdsds so they don’t think I’m trying to front on them with my fancy spelling. I’m tired of this keyword and filler crap. People just posting content however thin it may be trying to get search engine optimization. Just go comment on other online communities or websites if you have trouble coming up with content. Avoid informal language in academic writing… is this site for 4th graders?"
Update: Ha, they commented back. I encourage you to comment on crap like this. These people should be shamed into taking it down. [Editing Angel]

I guess someone had to post something like this. Comedians had it good when Bush was in office compared to now with Obama. And Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.[Alternet]

My most recent post at Edge about The Losers. Comment on it for the love of all things holy. I can understand people not commenting here, but at Edge? [Edge]

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

You can feel the Duke hate calling in the air tonight, hold on. The NCAA men's basketball championship game is tonight. Tiger Woods had a press conference today. You know, I have always hated golf, but seeing Tiger's press conference today makes me dislike golf more. I don't care about the salacious stories surrounding his life recently. I'm not a player-hater. I just think he's a tool. People are also watching baseball today. I have not done that in a while and I still won't. The above hottie is Katy Mixon of Eastbound & Down fame. Kitty likes to scratchy.

Important news about doo-doo from Alternet, seriously. [Alternet]

My Gally Blog post from last week on fellow blogger Logic's comedy debut. [The Gally Blog]

Video from last night's Cleveland Show of the song "Balls Deep" featuring "No-tippin'" Scotten Pippen. Now all of the blogs with themes related to balls have a theme song, yay!


This article on blind people doing martial arts is dated April 5th, not April 1st. Either they have a problem with their publishing software or the story is real and blind people are going to know karate. [Trinidad & Tobago's Newsday]

My first post at Edge was about the upcoming host lineup on Saturday Night Live. I'm probably going to try do one a day and wait for the other new additions to come pick up the slack. Tunison was right. The cricket sounds are deafening. [Edge]

In case you missed it, here are LOL NCAA pictures from Daddy's Sugar Ball. These are funny. [Daddy's Sugar Ball]

A new novel, American Subversive, has one narrator who is a terrorist and one who is a blogger. [Good Reads]

That is all. Stay nonpopular, people. Post about Shutter Island coming up later today.

I Do Not Like The Office

“Hey, let’s have the potential to make a hilarious show, but instead make it painfully uncomfortable to watch. Har, har. That would be fun. We’ll be like Andy Kaufman, but totes more rad.” That is what I imagine The Office writers’ room to be like. I bet they hipsterly say totes instead of totally. I have been watching the show for several seasons because my wife likes it, but I can not stand it any longer. The show actually makes me angry. There are plenty of funny moments. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy running “that’s what she said” into the ground as much as the next fellow, but their striving to make us, the viewers, uncomfortable has turned me off for good. The only bright spot for me is Mindy Kaling who plays Kelly. She is also a writer for the show. I like her character, but I also just plain have a thing for Indian chicks.

Even the occasional reader to this blog knows that I am already deep in hate with NBC after they crushed the dream of my comedy hero, Conan O’Brien, to host The Tonight Show for a reasonable amount of time instead of the seven months they gave him. I infamously made the claim that I would no longer watch NBC programming except for Community, Parks & Recreation, 30 Rock, and any NFL-related broadcasts and not support companies that advertise on NBC if I knew who they were and had an alternative to their products. It’s kind of hard to know if I am keeping the latter promise since I don’t watch NBC, but you get the idea of my level of hate, right? I have been breaking the first pledge by watching The Office for the sake of my wife but no longer. I refuse to be a pawn in your manipulative game, people associated with The Office. The last new episode from last week is a great example. The show started off funny. I was laughing a little, and then Michael went out to the car and put on the Kangol hat. That hat turned the show into a different show like Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top. It was damn near unwatchable after that. If I want to be that uncomfortable I would visit my in-laws. I don’t want to hear crap about me “not getting it.” Believe me, I get it. I’m an effin chevalier of comedy as far as your concerned. Well, not in doing comedy, but I’m a chevalier in appreciating it. The show where Michael had to tell the kids he couldn’t give them a scholarship from earlier in the season is the best proof of my point. Remind yourself with this video. This blog hasn’t been nonpopulist enough for my taste these days. I needed to find myself a little bit.

Here is the only clip I could find from that atrocious episode where Michael tells the kids he can not pay for their college after they had been banking on it since third grade. That is so funny. You guys should really delve into the world of bestiality. I hear there is a lot of comedy there ripe for the picking.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Unhappy April Fool's Day! Let us all collectively give a sigh, eyeroll, and dismissive hand wank motion to one of the stupidest days of the year. I've only fallen for one April Fool's joke, and I'm not telling you what it was because it's embarrassing. I need some links to get me through the day, and I bet you do as well. Let me oblige you. In other news I just signed on to blog out with my balls out at The Edge. All that means is as The Nonpopulist's virus spreads across the internet, the host (this site) will become more and more sickly. It will stay alive and I will definitely use this site as an aggregate for my links as they appear elsewhere online.

The above picture was posted on Kurt Sutter's twitter account. He's the creator of Sons of Anarchy and offered Conan a guest spot on the show as an IRA gangster after his departure from NBC. I wish he would take him up on it.

The Hangover 2 is happening. I just recently saw the first one through the magic of Netflix. It was funny. Here's hoping #2 is as good. [FilmDrunk]

I like a good Tumblr site. I like animated gifs. Those two things combined equal love. I found this on Aziz Ansari's twitter feed. [gifs of popular rappers]

So hopefully the rumor that Michael Bay is doing a remake of Rosemary's Baby is just a rumor. Entertainment Weekly seems to think so [Entertainment Weekly]

In a post for The Gally Blog I detail some of NFL player Chris Johnson's demands before he will play next season for the Tennessee Titans. [The Gally Blog]

Rise of the 'Retrosexual.' Not much explanation needed to get you to click on this link. [WithLeather]

I'll leave you with a video of Noel Gallagher sans most of Oasis playing a gig at Royal Albert Hall to benefit the charity Teenage Cancer Trust. Please go solo, Noel. Please.