The Double-Rainbow Guy: This Is Why You Can't Have Nice Things, Internet

Every blog on planet earth has linked to or embedded this video of a guy having an elated reaction to seeing a double rainbow. It kind of makes me sad. Watch it below if you're one of the last dozen people in America who haven't seen it or you're from Ethiopia or something. 



My question is why is everyone destroying this guy (and alleging he's on drugs?) I get the novelty of the video, and his reaction is over the top, but it bothers me this dude is getting roasted for having an honest reaction to something. This guy is crying and asking what it means in an real and emotionally vulnerable moment and we, the internet, point and laugh. How messed up is that? This isn't Lindsay Lohan, the cast of Entourage, a BP executive, or anyone else who should have their life failures meticulously raked over the coals. This is just some guy who had a beautiful experience with nature and shared it with a bunch of dickbags like us. The man, Paul Vazquez, is taking it stride. Here's a pretty chill interview he did with CNN for which embedding has been disabled. Mr. Vazquez may also get some money out of the video thanks to some guys who did an autotune song/remix using his audio. Good for him although anyone who uses autotune has a nice selection of one foot spiky as$ dildos reserved for them in hell except for the autotune the news guys. They're hilarious!

Ok, this was funny. Here is the audio of the double rainbow video mashed up with the Kermit the Frog song "Rainbow Connection" called "The Double Rainbow Connection." Great job, internet.

The Double Rainbow Connection (Remix) by gdelahaye

On the Road Movie: A Real Mouthfarter

People have been asking my opinion of the On the Road movie based on the classic Jack Kerouac book currently in the works. My initial reaction is simply typing "/mouthfart" is not sufficient enough to encompass how much I dread this movie. We need to build a bigger mouth in order to more efficiently hold all of the mouthfart production needed to describe how I feel about this movie. The good people over at Beatdom (check them out) cover the On the Road developments as well as gives updates about the Charles Bukowski and William S Burroughs movies. They take a more positive stance than me on the prospects for the movie. I can't blame them. I'm a cynical a$$bag. Just think, there are going to be hipsters trying to act like they have been down with the Beat program all-along and people pretending they have read the book when I know damn well they didn't read it or read it and didn't get it.
I have been reluctant to think about the possible outcomes, much less do a post about it. Let me shock you by saying I am not at all looking forward to the movie. Yes, I use a picture of Jack Kerouac as my avatar for twitter and other places. Yes, I have read the seminal work by Kerouac two times and listened to the audio book version as read by Matt Dillon as well as the small selection that exists of Kerouac reading a portion of the book. Actually, Matt Dillon's audio book recording is a good example of why I cringe at the idea of an On the Road movie. I chose Dillon's reading of the book over the other option I saw available, David Carradine, and Dillon did give the reading a good try. His oral interpretation simply did not do the text justice compared with the audio examples available read by Kerouac himself. I'm not trying to say he should have mimicked the speech patterns exactly, just that he could have been closer. But I will admit I am hard to please in this area. It's like when all of the buzz started about Walk the Line with Joaquiuijn Phuaeoinix playing another one of the persons I admire greatly, Johnny Cash. People expected me to be at the movie theater the first day and gobble up every second. Wrong, I foresaw disappointment, and I was validated. My hope is that no one has to see their heroes immortalized in a crappy movie like mine have been. I watched Walk the Line at home, and I will probably do the same with On the Road lest I go to the theater and am forced to ruin the experience for everyone. The On the Road movie seems inevitable with four people now signed onto the cast.  Kerouac will once again flicker into the pop culture consciousness for a moment. I don't buy that anyone, especially the actors, appreciate my man Jack on any level except the paycheck they will get.

Kristen Stewart- she will be in the On the Road movie.
Bella, we'll have to go on the road to make our love work.

Technical support update: I typed in "Kirsten Dunst hot" in Google image search and my computer blew a gasket. I didn't even know these things had gaskets!
Forgot to mention because I was drunk and literally falling asleep when I wrote this post (doesn't it show in the writing?): The director of this project, Walter Salles, has shot a documentary on his five year struggle to get this movie made. At least I'm excited about the documentary.  

An Internet Belletrist Creates and Settles an Argument about an Unimportant Topic

Roger Ebert has been carrying on about video games and their status as art it seems since time immemorial. I have tried my best to let it go without comment, but his original post on the subject is dated April 16, 2010. He has since retweeted about it over a dozen times. He won't let it die, and why should he? He has almost 4,000 comments on that entry alone so you can chalk this up to pure envy if you like. You should definitely read his piece since it will help inform the discussion I will attempt to have here and it is well-written, as most of his pieces are. So why would I put everyone's favorite Twitterer and recent winner of the Webby Person of the Year Award on blast? Let me get a few disclaimers out of the way before I go any further:

• I'm not an internet or real life bully by nature, and that is not what this post is about. I take issue at the premise of the argument and why 'video games as art' even needs discussion.
• I have read Ebert's reviews before and enjoyed them. I have also followed him on twitter for several months. I even use to watch At the Movies and liked it.
• No matter what you read after the current bullet list this post is not about hating on Ebert so much as the origins of argument of the video games as art debate. That is to say this is not another 'Ebert is old and doesn't get it argument.' I'm not internet attacking Ebert, but I am also not going to coddle his e-balls like everyone else does. It's like people are afraid to cross him online.
• I am not a hard-core gamer. I don't own a video game console. I have 4 PC games, one of which I play with any regularity, Left 4 Dead 2. Oooohh, I put the title in italics, does that mean it's art now?

The origins of the video games as art debate are suspicious at best. Not that it matters at this point, but a few people spouting off a faulty premise does not an issue that needs addressing make. No one is bringing their video games to Cannes to screen them. The people at EA are not wearing thick black frame glasses, berets, and going to coffee shops to cut themselves. Who said a video game is art anyway? From the second paragraph in Ebert's entry it appears two people on record made that assertion and prompted Mr. Ebert to write a post. I wonder if Ebert knew the all along his entry would be viewed as an attack on video games and cause gamers to put down their energy drinks, come to his blog, and comment so that they may stumble upon something that actually is art and quit wasting their lives playing video games.
Most people play video games simply to shoot shit or gather crystals and orbs to pass the time and have fun.. When I tell a friend about a video game I don't cut off my ear lobe and send them a letter advising him if we play this video game we may be moved to tears and be bosom buddies forever. I send an email and say, "Check out all this shit blowing up and all of these zombies we can shoot. Kick ass, bitch." It's not serious. My friends and I get drunk and play until 3am in the morning about once every two months at this point. We are old enough that it is not a focal point but more of an excuse to hang out and talk shit online- pure mindless entertainment. Even at the point where I was playing video games with the most frequency if someone would have asked me if I thought video games were art I probably would have retorted something like, "Is an anus a vagina? Why are we even talking about this?"
So now that Roger has generated this argument out of nothing, he proceeds to play you all for fools. I'm sure he had to expect people would just call him old and accuse him of "not getting it." Many commenters on his post played right into his hands. He continually pwned gamers short on defenses thought Twitter, the noobs.
The whole argument is pointless, though. Let me see if I can use a correlative metaphorical argument to demonstrate how I see this whole back and forth.

Person 1 (Ebert): "Hey, I don't think Gatorade is soup."

Person 2 (Many commenters on Ebert's video game post): "Really? Well, I never in all my... Certainly it shares so many characteristics with soup. It is made in a similar way. Well, have you tried the new G2? Try that and tell me it's not soup.

Person 3 (me): "It's not soup. It's Gatorade. It's different than soup. They have being mostly liquid in common, but that is about all."

Video games use images and sounds like some forms of art, but it has never even entered anyone's mind that a screen capture of Halo should be hanging in The Louvre. Hey, internet, forks are not combs. Do you want to fight about it? "... but that bird in The Little Mermaid said they were." Yes, I have watched The Little Mermaid, and it was obvious the bird was pulling that statement out of his butt. I have a little sister and growing up I was made to watch the whole Disney animated catalog with her multiple times. The Fox and the Hound will probably still make me cry if I watch it right now. I had almost every line from Aladin and Beauty and the Beast memorized for a while also. Go ahead. Make fun of me. I am so gobsmacked with the internet right now.

Best Video of the Last Rolling 30-Day Period

I've got your next Youtube star right here, It's ItsKingsleyBitch.

I want to be this guy's dear friend. But seriously, he is sooo right about skinny jeans. And he has a strong Chat Roulette take. What is up with all of the penises on there? Don't mind that Kingsley has a stereotypical family reunion t-shirt on. Judge him on his content like the DVD cover opinion and throw- hilarious. I could probably listen to this guy's opinions all day. Kingsley is a better belletrist than Roger Ebert! There, I said it. He's relevant too. Just listen to him carry on about texting. Whoa! He fininshes with a lot of venom directed at birds and how early they get up. I need a smoke after that whirlwind. That's a Youtube subscribe. I'll update when Kingsley has more wrongs to right. ITSKINGSLEYBITCH! He should start every video off by yelling that.

911 Is a Joke in Tracy, California

Tracy, California, I am sure it is a nice place to live, decent schools, nice people, a population of around 80,000, and hometown to MC Hammer according to Wikipedia. There is a problem with Tracy, though. The residents of Tracy will now have to pay to call 911 for emergency services. That is what inspired the above picture. I thought it was a joke when I first saw a tweet about it last week. Unfortunately for the residents of Tracy, CA it is not a joke. Residents do have options, however. They can pay a flat $48 fee for a whole year, pay $300 every time they use it, or the most unlikely choice of not calling 911 if they need emergency services. 911 service is surely one of the most essential services provided by local government, and raises a gigantic red flag if a city sees no other option than to begin charging for its most basic of functions. What are they spending money on if not 911? Is someone skimming? Are the people in charge just extremely bad at prioritizing? Something is amiss in the hometown of MC Hammer. Thomas Friedman, of The World is Flat fame, hypothesizes that this seemingly small news item signals a larger trend. I tend to believe what he has to write and say. I read The World is Flat and it was probably one of the smartest books I have read. He feels this is one of many coming measures introduced to get America through "the lean years." Read his story to get his whole take, but I think he is on to something. A city that charges for 911 is still ridiculous.

Most irritating people of 2009

A list of the ten most irritating people of 2009 by the Globe and Mail did not look right to me at first, and then I realized it was Canadian. No wonder I did not recognize some of these people. Some of them, unfortunately, I do recognize. Number 1 is the Gosselins from that show I have not seen but by which I am still annoyed. Number 2 is David Letterman. I have thought him unfunny since I began watching late night talk shows. He has basically irritated me since I have been aware of him. Number 5 is Kanye West. As I have said before Kayne West does not care about white people. Most of the rest of the list is full of Canadian references. Note: beware of the rage of Canadians. You know what I am talking aboot? Noticeably absent from the list- people who cried with joy and hope at the election of President Obama. Sorry, I had to do that.

All Hail the Mighty Google

I am annoyed.

I was recently listening to an NPR report on how "out of style" Yahoo and Hotmail accounts are these days. This person whose name I wish I remembered so that I could request a meeting with him at the flag pole during recess, went on to say that any serious, business minded person who may be seeking employment from a serious, business minded employer ought to switch to the far superior Gmail. I believe he even said something to the effect of "Hotmail? Have you even heard of the internet?" I would like to remind this person, whoever you are, that you are first: an idiot who watches too much E, TMZ, The Hills, and those Housewives shows (that may be conjecture, but if he is foolish enough to say something like that, I'm confident he said it while his DVR had one of those shows/channels on pause), and secondly you are part of the problem. Why must we worry about what comes after the @? Society already judges us by how much our outfit costs, whether or not our chicken is organic, and, among many of the other superficial elements that make up ME, how much I love football.
I say no! I say no to you who would ask me to change my email provider in order to stay up with the latest trends. With a resounding YAWP I say NO!
So for those of you who may want to reach me, you can still find me at my hotmail account. I'll be waiting.