Monday, May 24, 2010

Forget Lost, The 24 Series Finale Is Tonight!

Tonight may be emotional for me. 24 has been one of the most bad a$$ shows ever on television, and I have grown quite fond of it. I can't say the same for Lost. I never watched that show and couldn't give less of a crap than I do about it than I do currently. I've known a few people that were obsessed with and swore by the show, but I didn't get in at the beginning. I was planning to catch up with the DVD's, but then I started hearing about a smoke monster, a smoke monster? So this smoke has consciousness? It plans stuff for the people on the island? When does Scrappy Doo start air-boxing the smoke monster? Are you kidding me? You people watched six seasons of that crap? Alright, never mind about Lost. I'm glad it's over. Lost fans (known as Losties *coughqueercough*) are almost as annoying as SEC footballs fans, but not quite complete a$$ douche level like an Arkansas Razorback fan. I think that is probably why I dislike the show so much even though I've never even watched it. I also have a natural predisposition to pick sides. If I don't like something I have an impulse to denigrate it. If I'm into something I sing its praises. I've been told it's an endearing quality. Then again, some guys have been told it's alright if they can't get an erection. Not that I have ever... never mind. Scratch that from the record.

That is probably my favorite 24 animated gif.

24 ends tonight, and say what you will about this season, I am still sad the show is ending. As I have said before a bad season of 24 is better than 85% of the other crap on television. Never has a show so captured the zeitgeist of America like 24 did. Jack Bauer's painful crusades have been cathartic in an age of fear and terrorism. Those of you with fuzzy memories may not recall, but 24 debuted after 9/11/2001 amid controversy. Kiefer Sutherland discusses it a little in this Entertainment Weekly article. I found it odd in that interview what Sutherland assumes after being asked this question:
"What will be the legacy of 24?
That the issues we’re dealing with in 24 no longer exist, and that it is an earmark of a time gone by."
Is it really a "time gone by?" I'm no fear monger, but I'm fairly sure there is no way to declare the issues of terrorism or torture nonexistent. 24 is a reference point on the map of America almost as much as it is on television. Many people have taken issue with the perceived glorification of violence in the show. I always viewed 24 as having all of the issues they were juggling in a good context. Sure, there was violence and torture, but there were also consequences. The good guys won a lot, but in the reality of the show a nuclear bomb was detonated on American soil. The writers were smart. They didn't just have Jack and other CTU personnel torture suspected terrorists and put bullets in people's heads. There was a struggle between right, wrong, and many gray areas. I'm not sure how the struggle will end. Almost everyone thinks the show won't really end tonight since there is a movie "in production." You may think I'm crazy for floating this theory, but I think Jack will die tonight. I think he wants to die. He's tired of killing everything he touches in his personal life. The writers have been writing around this theme for at least two seasons. What if the whole 24 movie were just a ruse to fool us into not believing Jack will die? Remember this is the show where no character was safe except for Jack since he was played by the big star. Now that no one is under contract for a new television season I think Kiefer's character is fair game. If I'm right (long shot) it would be the biggest misdirection in television series finale history.

You've heard of the video game Red Dead Redemption? Renee Walker has a game she likes to call Red Head Erection. She gets me hot.

We know Renee Walker is dead now so if there is a movie who will be Jack's female lead? Chloe and Jack have always been platonic and Chloe is married with a child anyway. I think Chloe is going to be the one to kill Jack anyway. I think Jack will have sort of an assisted suicide, but more like a samurai than Kevorkian style.

Man, I always hated her character, Kim Bauer, on 24, but she sure is easy on the eyes... and my boner. What I'm trying to say is Elisha Cuthbert easily gives me a boner. There, you happy?
Too much boner talk.

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