Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Annie Wersching, now that is a rack on which I would like to put some spices. Am I doing this right? (In memory of 24 which is now in its last season)

I now write for The Gally Blog. I will try to keep up at least two posts a day here, but I am not making any promises. There will be another announcement concerning The Gally Blog and I in the coming weeks. There may even be an announcement to make concerning me writing for another site. I will let you know, mom. Here is my first post for The Gally Blog.

I am not necessarily a fan of MMA or UFC, but I am a fan of this post about the most recent UFC event as covered by noted internet personality Logic. [HammerFisted]

Some cool drawings of Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg [Beatdom]

Sarah Palin is really getting a reaity show. I thought all of the talk about it was merely speculation. Surely she has some sort of political strategist to let her know this is a bad idea. Or maybe she is crazy like a fox. [WarmingGlow]

Venn Diagram that attempts to explain the difference between nerd, dork, and geek. I thought these were supposed to be funny. This one is like a real one you would learn about in a textbook [GreatWhiteSnark]

It does not matter how nice you are, if you hack the first and only presidential twitter account, the Secret Service will want a word with you. I don't think they will be very nice either. [CNN]

A hilarious literal pun picture.

[http://hilarion.tumblr.com/post/467664255]

John Feinstein is a Blowhard: Fact

Come read me burning a sportswriter. If there is one thing you can count on blowhards to do it is blow, hard. Sportswriters are often guilty of this, and John Feinstein is only the latest example of a sportswriter being caught in a bloviation. There is a bit of back story to get through before I can nail the gotcha bloggerism I have in store for Mr. Feinstein.
I enjoy sports talk radio. I used to even enjoy regular talk radio when I was a teenager. That was before I completely gave up on politics at 17. I am so jaded. As far as sports talk I have had passing phases between Colin Cowherd, Jim Rome, and more recently Dan Patrick. Patrick has a catch phrase, "passion bucket," that is a little cheesy and hokey, but also genuine and endearing. The phrase is used to mean how passionate someone is about life or a sporting event. It is a nice metaphor. Here it is used in a sentence: "Sean Payton's passion bucket was overflowing after the Saints' win in the Super Bowl because he knew how much the win meant to the city of New Orleans." Dan has been using this phrase for a while, I think even back to his old ESPN days, but now what he does with it is when he interviews a guest with which he has a good rapport he will goad them into using the phrase during an interview or on a broadcast. It's all in good fun.
Fast forward to Dan interviewing Cornell men's basketball coach, Steve Donahue, before their recent NCAA tournament game with Kentucky. Dan asked coach Donahue to work the phrase in which the coach delegated to one of his players, Ryan Wittman. When Wittman said "passion bucket" during a press conference he and his fellow teammates could barely contain their laughter because they were in on the joke, but serious sportswriter John Feinstein found nothing funny about their antics because he is a serious sportswriter who takes himself too seriously. Feinstein went on Tony Kornheiser's radio program and called the Cornell players racist for playing basketball or the NCAA racist for letting Cornell play in the tournament or you racist he knows how you lock your car doors when you see someone of a different ethnicity next to your car on a sidewalk. He was calling someone racist. That is all I know for sure. How he made that leap can not be fully explained, but one possible factor is Johnny had already made up his mind that Cornell is a school of racists and was looking for anything to back up his point. Passion bucket was just the sort of racial slur to set his sportswriter story sense tingling. Witness Feinstein's "column." What a tool. In Feinstein's interview on Kornheiser's show he bluntly called the Cornell player, Wittman, racist, but he veils that statement with his mind-numbingly boring column in the Washington Post. Here is Wimman's rebuttal/explanation of someone who has never met him calling him a racist from the Dan Patrick Show since Feinstein can not be bothered with doing research or follow-up since he is busying himself with writing for a dying medium and other up and coming bloviations of obliviousness he has burning on his mental hot plate.
/dismounts soap box
//wonders if anyone still uses the term soap box
///Feinstein, ya burnt, go write a column for some city's Times-Picayun or Press-Register
I did not use a picture of Feinstein because sportswriters' faces should really remain a mystery.

Dock Ellis Threw a No-Hitter on LSD

Some people do not know that former major league pitcher, Dock Ellis, once pitched a no-hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates while tripping on acid. I did. I knew that. The video below is Dock himself giving commentary accompanied with music and animation. It is art. Appreciate it.



What other positive things do you think people could accomplish on drugs?

Somebody Get This Man A Cheeseburger

The latest Youtube sensation involves a drunk man longing for a cheeseburger and the tangled web he weaves as he tries to fight a guy at a Whataburger in Texas with special guest appearance by noted white rapper Paul Wall (don't care) and other people I think have something to do with music about which I do not care. Have you ever been drunk to the point where you could not fight? I don't think I have except maybe that one night where I drank loads of Soju and beer as I shouted "No tomorrow!" with a bunch of Korean guys. I threw up kim chi 4 times the next morning. It turns out there was a tomorrow.
You have a chance to get in on the ground floor here, folks. The video was posted 3/25/2010. There is brief, non-sexual nudity of the 2nd worst kind, a guy's butt. Enjoy and be the first to share it with your friends. Tell them where you heard it first. Y'all come back now, ya hear? Ok, I'm going to stop now and show the video.

My favorite parts of the video are the guy in the brown shirt repeatedly asking the drunk guy who attacked him, "are you done" after he had the guy in the worst submission hold ever *looks to MMA aficionados for confirmation* and the guys of unknown ethnicity at the 3:00 mark who say, "Only in America." Only in America, indeed, my culturally diverse brethren. And then at the end we see Paul Wall put Michael Strahan on blast for being slow. Not a smart move, Gap Tooth will be looking for you in the screets! You won't be able to lay low at the scrip club or Scranton, PA. Wait, that one works without changing the... oh, nevermind. I ASKED FOR A CHEESEBURGER! I'LL WHOOP ALL Y'ALL! I WILL BEAT YOU ALL OVER THOSE FRENCH FRIES!

People Drank Fat Mike's Pee at SXSW... and They Cheered for It

Fat Mike as Cokie the Clown

Lost in the deluge of South by Southwest coverage was news of a performance by lead singer/ bass player/ co-founder of NOFX, Fat Mike, as an alter ego he created for their recent EP, Cokie the Clown. He dressed up in full clown costume, handed out a few shots of tequila to some fans up front, did a couple of shots himself, and did a few acoustic songs without the band present including The Decline (which I would have loved to hear.) One can not listen to much NOFX music and not wonder what sort of dark events shaped Fat Mike. Mike let some of those events find light during his performance at the Austin's SXSW festival including the story of him helping his mother die when she was terminally ill, stealing a record from his friend after he had committed suicide while the friend was still hanging there, and possibly the most disturbing story from this review from Pinpoint Music of the performance...

"The series of stories Cokie told started off with an account of how back in the mid -’80s Mike and Eric Melvin had witnessed a girl being forcefully carried down the stairs of a club on her way to being raped. As it goes, they both stood there watching slack jawed as she stared at them helplessly, then she grabbed onto both of them and yelled, “Help me!”. The men told Mike and Eric not to say a word. They did exactly that and went upstairs to watch the Vandals perform."

Wow. Wow. I could type wow about twenty more times. Not to mention at the end of his performance he let a video play that began just as he was offstage about to come on and perform which showed him peeing in the bottle of tequila from which he poured the shots he and the crowd drank at the beginning of his set. "That'll teach you posers to clamor to get up front", could be the message he was trying to send with that stunt. Some people have tried to post videos of the performance on Youtube, but they have all been taken down for copyright infringement claims by NOFX's label, Fat Wreck Chords, which is owned by Fat Mike. That is a rare move by Fat Wreck, but I can understand it considering the circumstances. I have been sitting on this story for three days trying to find a video, and then out of nowhere Fat Wreck's twitter feed posts a link to a story TMZ did on the event. TMZ even got a quote from Fat Mike. Say what you will about TMZ, but they get to the bottom of stories. They really give it their all. The quote from Mike was,

"I confirmed that urine was not classified as a biohazard waste and not subject to the risks of legal ramifications of blood, semen, or feces."

Here is the video from TMZ's website:

And now a favorite Youtube clip of NOFX---
Green Corn

The Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

The internet has been largely disappointing today. Nothing is really blowing by e-skirt up today. The trade rumors of Donovan McNabb to the Raiders or Rams? I am not buying that. People still whining about the change to the NFL playoff overtime rule? I am not really sweating that one either for two reasons. 1. I actually trust the owners to make a good decision this time and 2. We will cross the wired-with-explosives bridge of a playoff overtime quirk when we get there.
Here is some stuff I saw on the internet today:

An old picture of Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert. Whoa, hair. That must have been a hell of a rat's nest to deal with, Colbert. I actually watched The Colbert Report last night. It has been a while. Don't get me wrong, it's a funny show, but I just can't make it appointment television. You have to make cuts or you will spend your whole life in front of the TV. He is still doing awkward interviews at the end, and it was still funny. I was hoping to catch another piece in the "Better Know a District Series." Does he still do that? I was not surprised to find him making fun of Glenn Beck. Someone needs to run him into the ground. He is quite possibly the biggest tool walking planet earth. Rachel Maddow would be a close second. Smarmy much? Original picture at [YepYep]

This is funny. Allegedly before a group of NFL draft prospects was about to take the Wonderlic assessment, Tim Tebow asked that they all bow their heads and say a prayer. Someone allegedly said, "Shut the F$%* up." Classic. [The Gally Blog]

The Warming Glow was pulling its internet weight today with a strong post featuring an amazing animated gif of Allison Brie. Jeff and Abed's face say it all. It simply must be viewed. [Warming Glow]

Google and Youtube experienced a brief outage this morning. When reached for comment, Google was quick to say that the issue was technical in nature, not tampering or cracking. Anything but that. China? What reason would China have to crack our web servers? That's preposterous! The timing seems a little fishy. [CNN]

'Flu Shot Girl' Does the Dubstep

We are living in the golden age of the internet, people, and I am about to prove it to you. Years down the road when our children have to use biometrics to be verified before they can post a comment on a website and videos can not be embedded without expressed written consent we will be able to say, "I remember the good ol' days, sonny." We will say a lot of things, though, and they won't make sense. So our kids will send us to nursing homes, but they will probably be better than nursing homes are now, I hope.
Many of you in internet land may remember the aspiring cheerleader whose life was tragically shattered by a simple flu vaccine. Many people called it a hoax. I have to admit I was skeptical. But she's getting better, so it is not too soon to do a hilarious remix with the original news report is it? Hell no, says Youtube user R0kkyu's video "WOBBLEGIRL - This is how you dance to dubstep." What is dubstep you may ask? I asked that as well. Urban Dictionary was surprisingly vague so I had to go to Wikipedia which defines dubstep as "a genre of electronic dance music that has its roots in London's early 2000s UK garage scene." Either way this girl is now an expert at it. My favorite parts of the video are at 0:25-0:33 and 1:02-1:18. Those breakdowns are nasty. You can not touch this girl on the dubstep. She is killing it. This is a classic lemons to lemonade situation. She is like the kid in Rookie of the Year when he breaks his arm, but that makes him able to throw a nasty fastball that no one can touch and he leads the Cubs to a pennant. Dream on, losers. I have watched this video roughly 15 times and I am still loving it. So wrong/so right.



Below I have the original news report and an update from the cheerleader herself, Desiree Jennings, in which she says she is getting better. So see, it all worked out in the end. Just like in Rookie of the Year.
 

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

The above picture is a logo alphabet. I knew eighteen out of twenty-five. It looks like they combined "W" and "V."

A newish meme, "Release the Kraken," is making the rounds on the 'tubes. To be honest, this one is underwhelming, probably because it is trying to follow Epic Beard Man. Release the kraken is still funny, though. [Urlesque]

Alternet has compiled a list of ten overreactions to the health care bill passing. A list of under reactions has yet to be compiled that I have found. It's funny how people are now all over Rush Limbaugh, ribbing him that he should be packing his bags for Costa Rica afer he said he would move there if the health care reform bill passed. It's just the latest case of 'gotcha internetism.' (like gotcha journalism) It's kind of silly to hold him to his rhetorical boasts. It's like when I was in high school, and we were playing this really crappy team of inbred rednecks in basketball. In the locker room before the game I said if we were lost to this team I would castrate myself. Well, you can see where this is going... We lost to the team of inbred rednecks in spectacular fashion and afterward everyone was trying to make a joke of me cutting my balls off, and the coach was even laughing about it. Hey guys, you missed the point. We just lost to a really bad team that we should have beaten. We were a very bad team- true story. [Alternet]

Remember that show The Unit? Yeh, me neither. I think it had the first president from 24 in it. Anyway, David Mamet created it and this memo to the writers of his creation is fairly awesome. In it he gives some valuable writing advice including, "DO *NOT* WRITE A CROCK OF SHIT. WRITE A RIPPING THREE, FOUR, SEVEN MINUTE SCENE WHICH MOVES THE STORY ALONG, AND YOU CAN, VERY SOON, BUY A HOUSE IN BEL AIR *AND* HIRE SOMEONE TO LIVE THERE FOR YOU."
Duly noted, Mamet. I first saw this here at The Cajun Boy blog who got it from a tumblr called "Diablo Cody is not even her real name." [Diablo Cody is not even her real name]

James Cameron calling Glenn Beck an asshole? That is like Ulysses S. Grant calling Bill Clinton corrupt. Let's just agree that they are both tools. [The Hollywood Reporter]

The Indian Military takes terrorism seriously. Have you ever had jalapeno juice on your fingers and wiped your eyes? It SUCKS. [Gamma Squad]

The Double McGangBang Is an Epic Win

No, it's not a Ronald McDonald and Grimace sex tape link. It is an epic combination of items on McDonald's dollar menu that will take days, possibly weeks, off of your life. The Double McGangBang is a McDonald's McChicken Sandwich inside of a double cheeseburger. I was so fascinated when I first heard about it via this link from Gunaxin (although I think they got it from somewhere else but I'm not laboring through the internet link trail since I feel arteries hardening at this point) that I had to try it for myself. I, of course, have photo documentation.

Yes, I got a Sparks for lunch. Don't judge me! My initial thoughts are, "Whoa, this is huge. I'm going to have to squish it down to get it in my mouth (That's what she said.) Ah, damnit, there is mayonnaise on the chicken sandwich. I hate mayonnaise, or as I like to call it 'abortion juice,' so much that I forget some people actually like it and restaurants actually put it on sandwiches (not that McDonald's is a restaurant.) Anyway, the taste bouquet is masking the mayo taste well, but after the first two bites I am starting to feel full. I purposely have not eaten anything today and only had coffee and water to drink. This is not feeling good. On alternating bites I am liking the taste and then feeling disgusted with myself. Photo update:

At this point I am glad I did not get any fries, but I am definitely not going to eat the two apple pies I got just because they give you two for one dollar. I am done with the Sparks Red and I have a lump in my stomach. This must be the price all investigative journalists pay to get to the heart of the story. This story is going straight to my heart and hardening on the way. I feel gross. I regret NOTHING!

Hey, Want a Top Ten List That Will Make You Throw Up?

Well, I have just the thing for you. It's the list of the ten songs most downloaded on ITunes (courtesy of the AOL Radio Blog.) Here is the list with my uninformed comments in italics.
10. Ke$ha- "Tik Tok" Who is this? She has a symbol in her name? Ooohhh, she's like a modern day e e cummings. Wait, this isn't good.
9. Leona Lewis- "Bleeding Love" Is this Lennox Lewis' daughter? When are we getting to The Beatles?
8. Taylor Swift- "Love Story" She's pretty. #8 all-time? Are teenage girls the only ones using ITunes?
7. Flo Rida- "Get Low" Sounds like a bangin' club hit. Wait, what does that mean?
6. Lady Gaga- "Just Dance" The lady that dresses weird. That's what you are. Nothing more. WHERE IS MY ZEPPELIN?
5. Coldplay- "Vida la Vida" I guess this is an ok song, but not worthy of top five all-time download.
4. Jason Mraz- "I'm Yours" Um, bro, could you be any more chill, bro?Go suck a FarmAid cock.
3. Black Eyed Peas- "Boom Boom Pow" I'm beginning to think I will not be finding any Steve Miller Band on this list.
2. Lady Gaga- "Poker Face" The song may be catchy, but I just don't look at her and say, "Her career has staying power." It's more like, "Future number on a crappy VH1 Saturday afternoon countdown something or other."
1. Black Eyed Peas- "I Gotta Feeling" I absolutely hate this song. I never thought I would say this, but hurry up and release some posthumous Michael Jackson songs so this crap sandwich can be unseated.

That was brutal. Hopefully with time this list will balance out to include some decent music. Or maybe this is decent music and I'm old. Nope, the first one.
*Spits tobacco juice and asks you to leave lawn*

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

 Tina Fey, why do you continue to confuse my boner?

Have you sadly come to the realization that you will never visit Paris? Let your self-pity marinate by viewing an interactive map of the sites around the town you will never visit. [Paris 26 Gigapixels]

A tumblr devoted to Mystery Science Theater 3000 haikus, that is at least a weekly click. [http://mst3khaiku.tumblr.com/]

A Steven Seagal emotion chart.

Couchsurfing! If I was still a college student or single I would be all over this. Now I will settle with being all over a porn based on this. [Couchsurfing]

An intrepid look at the Neon Deion Sanders in his post- playing days pursuit. I am glad for the update, but I am not sure what to make of him after reading this article. Make my mind up for me, sportswriter! [ESPN]

Shia "Rough" Lebeouf (I think I got that from FilmDrunk) gives a little bit more information about that wreck where he lost fingers that have been replaced by hip bone pieces. That's rough, Lebeouf. [Technorati]

More information on Conan's upcoming nationwide tour. [LA Times]

The government is watching you on the Facebook. O noes! They can't see me looking at only pictures of girls in bathing suits, can they? [Readwriteweb]

So, 24, you recycled the girl double agent storyline on the Dana Walsh character? I didn't like her character at all anyway and now you've made me hate her. Jerks.

Three Sheets to Air on the Travel Channel

Zane Lamprey, likable professional drinker/ television host/ comedian/ person whose job I envy has a general buzz about him these days. The host of the television show Three Sheets announced via Youtube that Three Sheets will be airing on the Travel Channel April 14th at 11:00pm and 11:30pm EST for a period of one month. For those of you not familiar with the show you can check out full episodes on Hulu to get you warmed up for the premiere (my personal favorites are the the South Korea-Soju! and Kentucky episodes.) The show is currently airing on the Fine Living Network and although Zane does not say so explicitly, the one month airing on the Travel Channel seems to be a trial basis to see if ratings are good enough to justify a full-time move to the network. If that happens I will need to update my DVR accordingly. To get to know the host, Zane Lamprey, a little better check out this profile from Vanity Fair. He also has a comedy tour coming up soon. As if that wasn't news enough, Zane was out doing promo videos for the move to the Travel Channel over the weekend when he fell off of a bar and broke his collarbone. You may ask, is there video of this incident? Why yes, yes there is. To the Youtubes! (after the jump)

Health Care Reform Passed. Are We Over or Under Reacting?

I've been trying not to take myself too seriously lately, at least with this blog. No one wants to read some self-important a-hole ranting about politics. That is not fun for anyone, really, and I realize that. The health care reform bill passing last night was an news item of note, however, and it needs commenting on. A few brief precursors:
I am neither a republican or democrat.  I do not claim either crappy party. Politicians are all full of crap, and if you believe any elected official has altruistic intentions then you are living in a fools paradise (not to be confused with a gangster's paradise, Michelle Pfeiffer!)
I think everyone in this country recognizes that health care in this country is messed up. It is too expensive and not everyone has reasonable access to care. But ask yourself, honestly ask yourself, why is this bill or any bill  so long? (over a 1,000 pages, but I could not find a hard number for the version that passed, some sources said over 2,000 pages) Why did the reform need to start off so big? Are there not any simple steps to take to get the ball rolling? Remember that whole thing about how some lawmakers did not get to read the bill? I wonder if they ever got around to it. Simplify stuff so I don't think you're trying to hide something deep in the pork fat folds. I wish I had the time and the drive to read the whole bill. Maybe I will one day.
I listened to CSPAN where people were calling in with opinions on the bill passing. A caller said, "Something is better than nothing." That is solid logic.The threat of this bill of unknown contents is better than leaving the current system intact? I can not be certain of that. And that is where I am at with the bill. We will not really know the long reaching effects of this reform since some of it will take until 2016 to be enacted.
Someone said something poignant on twitter last night that I thought was a great point. Tweeter @DukeBrady said "Repub's think #HCR costs too much. So does war but they never oppose that."
The bottom line is the positive and/or negative effects of this health care reform bill will take time to be seen. Politicians will be politicians and ignore it if it becomes a problem, but hey, maybe it will all work out.*crosses fingers*
This has been too serious to be internet cool so let me end with this. President Obama said last night everyone's voice has been heard. In all fairness, I do not think my voice has been heard. 
"(To no one in particular) Show me your titties!" Now my voice has been heard.
For a real take on the possible long-term effects of the health care reform bill that just passed and where the Obama presidency will go from here read this article by Ben Domenech from New Ledger.

Bill Hicks Documentary Goodness

One of the news items I gleaned from the never-ending glut of South by Southwest coverage is the Bill Hicks documentary is done and was screened at SXSW. The title is American: The Bill Hicks Story, and it about another comedic mind that was lost too soon. The only release date on IMDB is a UK release for September 1st, 2010, but in this trailer the release date is Summer 2010. Giving yourself a wide berth, are you? Here is the trailer:




It looks like a must-see. Hicks died before I came of age to really understand and appreciate his genius, but thanks to Youtube I have caught up. Be careful before clicking that Youtube link. A day could be consumed on there.

You Stay Contradictory, China

China, where you can not speak out against the government, but you can pollute to holy hell and make bear cubs fight on television. I am not completely sure these videos are real because the bears look a lot like ant eaters and the Chinese are notorious for their camera tricks (remember the Olympics?) Also, the bear cubs seem to respect the referee a little too much. Why are there not any videos of the bears turning on the referee or the N.W.O bears running out from the back with folding chairs? The world may never know.

No One Covers Sexting Like Deadspin

One of the porn stars, Joslyn James, with which Tiger Woods was having carnal relations has released a series of text messages she allegedly received from Tiger during their sordid love affair. Was there more than one porn star he was banging? It is hard to keep up. The full release is here courtesy of Deadspin. Tiger does not disappoint as far as the dirty talk. The problem is she only released his side of the text conversation, we do not know what she sexily texted back to Tiger. Does she think the mystery of not knowing is sexy? She can not be that diluted. She is a porn star for crying out loud.
Then Deadspin took it to the next level and put together a timeline of the sexts tiger sent his mistress inlaid with his performances in the golf tournaments in which he was playing. Big ups to Deadspin for that. It is what we were all wondering about, right?
Then, just when I think this round of Tiger Woods coverage is over, here comes WithLeather with a strong showing of pictures of kittens with some of Tiger's text messages written in pink on top of them.
All around good showing- beers for everyone involved. Carry on, internet.

O Florida, Never Change

The south always seems to find a way to not only live up to the heritage it has built for itself but create an ever-growing legend of dumb behavior. I say this as someone who has lived in the south my entire life. Many argue with me and say that Florida is not really the south. To them I say click on this link to a story about a 14-year-old in Florida who was so unsatisfied that his grandfather could not make his four-wheeler (ATV) work that he felt his only recourse was to attack his grandfather with an axe. Also, Florida fought with the Confederacy in the Civil War. That is the major criteria for being considered "southern." Never mind the grandfather had purchased the four-wheeler for his grandson. The result of the young man's failure at life is...

"Cody was placed under arrest and charged with two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill, a third degree felony."

 Bravo south, you have done it again. The picture above I borrowed from WarmingGlow.

Alzheimer's Will Ravage This Generation

There is good news and bad news. Which do you want first? Good news: According to this ABC News report by Kristina Fiore having a purpose or goals in life has been shown in studies to "stave off" Alzheimer's. Bad news: Nobody has any purpose in life. We mostly sit around on the internet or our smart phones and get dumb waiting for someone to entertain us. Hell, according to this post at the website insidefacebook.com, Mafia Wars has 6.5 million daily active users. Farmville has over 30 million daily active users. 30 million! Sounds like a bunch of self-motivated, goal-oriented people to me. What I am trying to say is there needs to be more Alzheimer's research because we are all going to have it by the time we turn sixty-five.
Am I the only one that thought people were saying old timer's when I was young? It does affect old people so you can see how I could make that mistake. Do some crossword puzzles like my grandmother does, people. And smoke, she smokes too. And eat oranges and Raisin Bran. Hey, you are the one who said you wanted to emulate my grandmother. O, you said impregnate? I think she is all dried up down there, and you are nasty, dude. Seriously nasty.

Justified Is Officially Badass

The new FX series, Justified, premiered last night, and the verdict is... yes, it is as badass as I had hoped it would be. The first scene was used to establish the badassery of Marshall Raylen Givens, played by Timothy Olyphant. He played the character tough but fair with a sense of following his own principles and morals in the vein of Buford Pusser with some sort of John Wayne thrown in there. After the action of the scene went down and Marshall Givens shot the guy he was giving a chance to leave town all I could think and say all giddy to my wife was, "He was JUSTIFIED!"

After getting in trouble for implementing an old-school brand of justice in a world that has passed him by, Raylen gets transferred back to his ol' Kentucky podunk home and the show moves to set up Boyd Crowder (played by Walton Goggins of The Shield fame) and his band of dim-witted neo-Nazi thugs as an obvious foil for Marshall Raylen because what else is there in Kentucky but neo-Nazi inbred idiots, right? The Marshall and Boyd have a past working in the coal mine but since Boyd is on the wrong side of the law, Givens politely informs him, "(If) You make me pull, I'll put you down." And yes, Walton Goggins did throw in a "git-r-done." and a "Got-damn, woman, you only shoot people when they're eatin' dinner?" I really miss his character from The Shield. I hope they keep him around on this show a while, but it is not looking too good with him getting shot in the first episode. All in all, I give the show a solid "A" with "A+" upside potential. Here is good interview with the star of Justified, Timothy Olyphant. O wait, *spoiler alert* - was that supposed to go up top?
And another note, when I was looking up pictures for Justified this was what came up first.

How can I get the homo-eroticism off of my pc? Get it off, get it off! Wait, he has a clone of himself stand next to him and try to tease up a bulge in his pants with which to touch him? Why??? Why???!?!?!?!?!!

Buzz, Chatroulette, Buzz Buzz

The buzz vibrating this internet cycle of life is unquestionably Chat Roulette. Things go from zero-to-meme status so quickly now. Just look at Epic Beard Man. That only took about twenty-four hours to become an epic meme. The collective productivity of the internet in these types of endeavors is an astonishing achievement in time-wasting, but it is so damn entertaining. Here is how it happened for me with Chat Roulette. First, I start seeing the words "Chat Roulette" pop up in my twitter feed. I briefly think, "What in the hell is that?" Second, I somehow stumbled upon this link from TheLogic of TheGallyBlog and gained further understanding of what Le Roulette is. Third, I think about getting in on this internet phenomenon, but decide that would be gay since I have been forewarned guys are masturbating for others to see at an alarming rate. Also, I am too lazy to hook up my old webcam. Fourth, CNN and Jon Stewart get in on the act with eye-blinking results. Fifth, widespread knowledge. Sixth, a burst of second-wind internet creativity, evidenced by this video.

Go to http://www.youtube.com/pianochatimprov for more videos exactly like that.

Squidbillies Update

Squidbillies is an animated show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block of programming that I enjoy. The show features a family of squids who serve as a vehicle for both redneck and ethnic stereotypes with amusement for everyone. The main character, Early Cuyler, is voiced by alt-country/rock musician and singer Unknown Hinson. That was not a very good description of Unknown Hinson, maybe throw rockabilly in there too. The guy is a solid guitar player as well. And he has good songs.
The new season of Squidbillies, season five, will feature at least one celebrity, Chad Ocho Cinco, everyone's favorite media-whoring, ESPN-bashing, NFL wide receiver. Word of his guest voice appearance came via the Squidbillies official twitter feed and OchoCinco's twitter feed, but I am not searching through that never-ending mess to find the tweet where he mentioned it:

"@SquidbilliesHQ: #ochocinco finally visits Dougal County http://twitpic.com/184p1j"

That picture of the character Chad will voice looks like he is committing some serious offensive pass interference. Jam band Widespread Panic will also do voice work for the show's new season. I had to look up that Widespread Panic is a jam band because I am not a freaking hippie. The new season of Squidbillies will begin airing May 17th, Sunday night on Cartoon Network at midnight. Complex Magazine had a good feature on the genesis and early years of Adult Swim in a recent issue. Hey, I found a link online of the same feature. So why did I need to buy the freaking magazine? Good luck surviving, magazines.

Birthday of the Patriarch, Jack Kerouac

I am obviously a fan of Jack Kerouac. His picture is my online avatar for everything to do with The Nonpopulist, and if I may be serious for one moment he is someone I truly admire. He was creative and different and that is why his legacy endures. Many people have read On the Road and yet I find frat boy road trip movies and other stupidity associated with the man and his most well remembered book. Watch this video in order to get a better appreciation for Kerouac and his art. And then try reading a book, you technocratic barnacle on the underbelly of pop culture.

Jack Kerouac would have been eighty-eight years old today. A few years ago in Orlando I had the privilege of seeing the original teletype scroll on which he typed On the Road, and it was a nearly spiritual experience for me. That is all. See you on the interwebs next week when I will have an expose on a twitter phenomenon.

Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em

I thought of a funny addition to the title of this article from USA Today. The original title for the article is, "Obama Still Struggling with Smoking." My humerous rewrite would be, "Obama Still Struggling with Smoking, Being President." Boom, roasted. But seriously, folks, I do not have a problem with your praise or criticism of the president as long as it has some factual, political basis. I encourage people to engage in our political discourse even though most facets of our political process are bull crap. So what if he wants to smoke? So what if he wants to quit? I am tired of smoking and smokeless tobacco being demeaned in our culture. Do we not have free will anymore? In many places one can not even light up in a bar to enjoy their smoking with alcohol. What kind of crap is that?
If you are going to criticize the president, why not do it for something substantive, such as trying to ram a version of health care reform to which there has been the largest grassroots opposition since the Vietnam War? Let him smoke in peace. You people are getting on his nerves, sheesh. This is like when people were criticizing the president for filling out a NCAA tournament bracket last year. Give the guy a break. Let him have a little fun. You only work forty hours a week at your job. He should not have to be on the clock all day either. He should get at least an hour lunch and two, fifteen minute smoke breaks.
Politics is not funny, is it?

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

Here are some links on the internet which I found to be of value today.

24 coming to an end after this season? NOOOOOOOO! Well, it is probably time. The show has been going downhill since season 5. I am still sad, though. No, I am not crying. My eyes are watering because of how bad you smell. [Warming Glow]

Martin Scorcese films have a similar theme? Get out! [The Hot Blog]

A link to Conan fan art. It is a little geeky for my taste. [Threadless]

Logic over at TheGallyBlog has a funny, albeit disturbing post about alleged incest involving a draft prospect and his sister. Gross, dude. [TheGallyBlog]

A morality continuum chart using characters from The Big Lebowski. I saw this on Filmdrunk first, but they got it from The Daily What. [The Daily What]

The new Sage Francis album is on pre-sale with some package deals. I think I am going to order the deluxe cd package. You don't know who Sage Francis is? Look him up on Youtube and act like you know. Actually, I am going to post a video, suckas. [Strange Famous Records]

Watch that whole video or I can not respect you. That Pharoah Monch beat has got to be one of my favorites of all time. Now, Seven and Seven me. I'm out.

Conan Announces 30-City Half-Assed Comedy Tour

Conan himself broke the news on twitter this morning that his rumored North American comedy tour is now officially on and tickets are on sale via Ticketmaster. Go to http://www.teamcoco.com/ for more information about the tour. Be forewarned, though, Conan himself proclaimed the tour would be a "half-assed comedy & music tour." This announcement led to elation then extreme disappointment because I am not going to be able to go for several reasons. Check Conan's twitter feed for more updates.

Tosh.0 and Websoup Are Strangely Similar to Another Show with Which You May Be Familiar

Tosh.0 and Websoup are basically America's Funniest Home Videos. "America, America, this is you. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh." Do not get it twisted. I am not hating on Tosh.O or Websoup. Both of those shows are funny. I do give the edge to Tosh.0, but both programs are new media versions of the nutshot-fest we know as America's Funniest Home Videos hosted by Bob Saget and some other guy later, I think. Daniel Tosh and Chris Hardwick do not do funny voice-overs on the videos they show that I have heard, though.
These shows do what never entered any of our minds, people. They have vindicated Bob Saget. If you really get to the heart of it, Youtube validates Saget and the producers of the show who looked around at each other and said, "Damnit, people want to see nutshots overlayed with funny voices."If you know anything about Bob Saget, you know he was squeaky clean television dad Danny Tanner on the popular television show Full House (the one with the nowhere near legal Olsen twins.) If you are a person well-versed in Saget-ese you may know before and after his stint on Full House he was a raunchy stand-up comedian. You may even have slowly gained some respect for him after his numerous appearances on Conan O'Brien's two late night shows like I did. People say 90% or some other percent of success is showing up. Bob proves that adage. He did not go away quietly. He kept showing up. He is on twitter now(@bobsaget,) he had a roast done on him/ to him (what is the proper verbiage here, people?) on Comedy Central, and he is filming a show for A&E where he follows around fringe members of society such as biker gangs for a look inside deviant cultures. Kudos to Bob freaking Saget. So I guess this ended up being not as much of a "I like Tosh.0" post as a "Bob Saget is ok" post. I never know where my typing will take me... The places it will go. I actually meant to post this yesterday since Tosh.0 aired last night, but my internet goes out whenever it gets cloudy. Freaking satellite internet. Tosh.0 airs on Wednesday nights on Comedy Central. Websoup airs Wednesday nights on G4.

Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Day

I think I am going to start doing a daily wrap-up instead of sitting on and hoarding all my favorite links and videos from the week and vomiting them out on Fridays.
So, here we go. Quick take. After seeing Ryan Miller, goalkeeper of the gold medal-winning Canadian hockey team, interviewed on Jim Rome is Burning today I am going to go out on a limb and say he does not have a future in broadcasting. Painful interview, man. But great win.

Andy Richter guest co-hosted Live with Regis & Kelly this morning. Thank God for the internet because I would not have known otherwise. Surprisingly, he was candid about his feelings for NBC. Here is the video in which Andy vocalizes the obvious failure of NBC to give the Tonight Show a good lead-in. The video is eight minutes, but worth it for Conan and Andy fans.


Sons of Anarchy news: Kenneth Johnson (formerly Lem on one of my favorite shows ever, The Shield) will bring back the role he had on SOA in the season finale for six episodes in season three. Nice. [Chicago Tribune]

A handy tool for obsessed NFL fans such as myself. A compendium of NFL player salaries. I have been browsing this for the majority of the day. Look up your favorite team courtesy of USA Today. [USA Today]

I like some of Dan Le Batard's articles, and I find it interesting in this piece, "Anything Goes in 'Gossip' World of Journalism," that he does not do what many newspaper writers do and try to finger blogs as the culprits. I respect him for that. He makes the point that newspapers are forced into the 'space race' of gossip journalism to try to hold on readers who can go a multitude of places to get their news however racy they might fancy. [Miami Herald]

Your Grandmother

Hey, I found a picture of your grandmother on the internet.

This lovely lady is Zhang Ruifang, a 100 year-old Chinese woman. The story I found about her on Oddity Central reports the horn only began growing last year, so she is really horny. I am sorry for grabbing all of this low-hanging fruit. What am I, Jay Leno? It has got to be hard to sleep with that thing, poor lady.

Another Arbitrary List: This Time, Top 10 TV Shows

Lists like these are arbitrary and subjective, but everyone does them so there must be some sort of voodoo magic to it. I call on you now, voodoo magic. Work like Gabrielle Anwar (pictured above) works on my heart.
Top 10 shows on TV according to Entertainment Weekly are as follows (my comments in parentheses)
1. The Good Wife (haven't seen it, not going to see it, Julianna Margulies is hot, though)
2. Breaking Bad (I've heard it's good. It looks ok, but the dude from Malcolm in the Middle, come on. maybe I'll watch the DVD's one day)
3. Lost (the fans have ruined it for me forever. Oh, and the show has a smoke monster, The people at the Syfy network think that is ridiculous, and they did a movie about abominable snow spiders.)
4. Friday Night Lights (I missed the boat on this one. I have had enough people recommend it to me that I will catch up on it one day.)
5. Fringe (I pity X-Files ripoffs. So does Gillian Anderson. We pity them, and then she has pity sex with me. *wakes up from daydream*)
6. Modern Family (WTF is this? ABC? No thanks.)
7. Glee (I watched the first episode of this at my wife's behest. We both rolled our eyes and called it queer.)
8. Southland (This show is ok and now on TNT. NBC had a decent show, then the executives looked around and said, "Well, this is too good for our network. We better sell it to TNT posthaste!" Oh, wait, they would not know what posthaste meant. Douches. TNT aired the first new episode last Tuesday, and it was pretty good. I did have a hard time getting back into the story after such a long time, though.)
9. Damages (I watched the first season of this. It was decent, but then they got flashback/ Run, Lola, Run fever, and I did not come back for season 2.)
10. Caprica (What is this? Syfy? Like Battlestar Gallactica? Hmm...)

My arbitrary list of the top 10 shows on TV (in no particular order)
1. Archer
2. Burn Notice
3. Sons of Anarchy
4. Community
5. Parks & Recreation
6. 24
7. Squidbillies
8. 30 Rock
9. The Simpsons
10. House

I do not like The Office.
There is my list. Wanna fight about it?

Independent Spirit Awards

The Oscars were last night. Big deal! The Independent Spirit Awards were Friday night. Instead of turning on the Oscars, we watched Where the Buffalo Roam with Bill Murray which I found to be a cheery ray of sunshine compared to Johnny Depp's turn as the iconic Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Seriously, that movie creeps me out, and it is hard to creep me out. Then we watched all six episodes of Eastbound & Down because it had been a while since we have watched Kenny Powers tell that principal, "No, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not trying to be the best at exercising. I play real sports."
It is a yearly tradition for me to watch the Independent Spirit Awards in front of my computer with Netflix pulled up so I can make sure not to miss any movies I may be interested to see. I ended up adding a few movies, but I already had most of the ones I might want to see sitting in my queue. My wife asked me a question that I thought was interesting because I did not know the answer. She asked what qualified a film for The Independent Spirit Awards, does it just have to be weird or have Peter Saarsgaard in it? Good question, right? According to this story from the AP, "the Spirit Awards honor movies that cost less than $20 million to make, with a significant part of their budget originating outside the Hollywood studio system. Other criteria for nominations include originality and provocative subject matter." Good to know.
Here's the full list of winners of the 2010 Independent Spirit Awards:

• Best Feature: Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
• Best Director: Lee Daniels, Precious
• Best Male Lead: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
• Best Female Lead: Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
• Best Supporting Male: Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
• Best Supporting Female: Mo’Nique, Precious
• Best First Feature: Crazy Heart
• Best Screenplay: Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, (500) Days of Summer
• Best First Screenplay: Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious
• Best Cinematography: A Serious Man
• Robert Altman Award: A Serious Man
• Best Documentary: Anvil! The Story of Anvil
• Best Foreign Film: An Education
• John Cassavetes Award (best feature made for under $500,000): Humpday
• Acura Someone to Watch Award: Kyle Patrick Alvarez, Easier With Practice
• Chaz & Roger Ebert Truer Than Fiction Award: Bill Ross and Turner Ross, 45365

And even though I am growing quite fond of him, I disagree with Roger Ebert that Eddie Izzard was not funny as host. I think he did a fine job. I hope we can still be friends in my head, Mr. Ebert. And if I heard the phrase, "based on the novel Push: by Sapphire," I was going to open fire on my television. Nails on a chalkboard.

The Nonpopulist's Browsings of the Week

Hot links coming at you. Please take a second to vote in my poll.

Alison Brie, from Community and Mad Men, looking hot as usual.

Zoobooks!


It is rare to see someone be so close and "get it" less than this guy. My advice to you is stick watching movies and television. You may get hurt trying to read books. [The AV Club]

A story about Roger Ebert by Will Leitch, editor emeritus of Deadspin. I thought this story was so good I emalied Will to tell him. He was nice enough to email back.How about that? [Deadspin]

The Oath-Keepers, a new kind of militia group. I'm not sure how I feel about this. [Mother Jones]

I think the title of this article goes without saying. A call to action, though! [Change.org]

The government may just take your money if they darn well feel like it. [Pajamas Media]

New rules of war. New war will be a "net war." [ForeignPolicy.com]

I started reading this book by Max Brooks, World War Z, on my blackberry (when I am taking a dump mostly if you must know.) It is the first zombie fiction I have ever read. I like it.

I do not understand why so many people hate Ayn Rand. Here is a another Ayn Rand hit piece. [Alternet]

Categories for the Meta Awards by Curtis Retherford [McSweeney's Internet Tendency]

The Best News Headline I Have Read in a While

With a title like, "Drinking While Brown (or Gay) in Texas Will Get You Arrested" you have to click to read further, am I right? Racism/ homophobia in Texas? I am as shocked as you are. Texas is traditionally known for big things. I would not know. I think I have been in the state about three times in my life, and I do not recall anything being particularly bigger than usual. But this story is a big freaking deal. Does that count? Texas has the most over-reaching public intoxication laws and according to this story from Alternet by Adam Weinstein those laws are abused in a fairly heinous fashion. I have said this before, and I will say it again. Many cops have a power trip similar to Joseph Stalin, but their job dictates that attitude. They never know when their life will be in danger, so they become dicks as a defense mechanism. If someone looks at a police officer a way the officer does not like nowadays they are likely to be tazed. The officers referred to in this article were arresting people in bars for public intoxication. Yes, that is kind of the point of bars. And I agree, that is about as far-reaching a public intoxication law there can be save Minorty Report-style citing before someone even goes to a bar. The bigger issue is they were targeting latino and gay establishments 'just cause, man, I don't like dem hispanics and queers.' Luckily, the towns in Texas have already protested and received apologies from police chiefs and promises that the public intoxication laws will be reviewed. This seems like it should have been a bigger story, but that is why I go to Alternet, to get big stories that are not reported on widely.
In other, unrelated news, Ron Paul won his Republican primary in a landslide this week. Texans love them some Ron Paul, and I like him more than I like any other politician. That is not saying much, though.

Also, please vote in my poll to the top right as I go through a mid-blog-life crisis.

Site News: Internet Ultimatum

Ok internet, I knew you were a cruel mistress, but I thought you were one I could tame. After writing this blog for about eight months I thought I would be doing a little bit better than this. I mean, do not get me wrong, people are visiting the site. I look at the traffic numbers. Not many people are commenting, though. So I am trying to face reality. Either the writing/content is not good, the blog is too fragmented/ not focused on one topic, or I just need to give it more time. These are the three options to which my hurried internet research into what makes a blog successful has led me. What really spurned this was after I wrote a post about guns yesterday about eight people unfollowed me on twitter. What, do you people not like personal frredoms? And hovering in the 60's makes eight followers a big loss. So I am going to put it to the few readers I have (somewhere in the 40-70 range as best I can estimate,) what should I do? Should I quit toiling on this blog? Should I focus on one topic? Is my writing/ take better on one particular topic that you have noticed? I'm putting a poll at the top right of the page or you can leave feedback in the comments (no Chinese characters, spambots!) I would also ask for a modicum of support in the form of the occasional comment, tweet, retweet, or sharing a link with a friend if you think the post is worth it. I realize this makes me fairly vulnerable, but what do I care? No one ever comments anyway. Boom, roasted myself. The poll will be up for about 2 weeks.

Supreme Court Now Hearing Epic Gun Case

Did you know that for over thirty years people have not been legally allowed to have guns inside the city limits of Chicago? I call that picture "Gay Seth MacFarlane with a gun" by the by. This fact has just come to my attention. What, has Pol Pot been mayor in Chicago for 30 years? Hey, Chicago, in mother Russia, gun ban you! It does not seem as though people in Chicago would need the Supreme Court to ensure they have a basic right provided by the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, but these are crazy times we live in- beginning thirty years ago. The Supreme Court is now hearing the case after the court gave a ruling that was favorable to people who wanted to own guns in Washington D.C. about a year and a half ago. According to this story from ABCNews.com by Ariane de Vogue the D.C. ruling was the first time the court had ruled the Constitution protected an individual's right to possess guns inside the home. They had apparently ruled previously it was alright to possess guns in a hiding hole in your backyard. I feel bad for people in Chicago. If television has taught me anything it is Chicago is a big city with a lot of crime and I would definitely want a gun if I were going to visit, much less live, there. If nothing else, the lawyers arguing to lift Chicago's gun ban have a sympathetic figure at the center of their argument. Otis McDonald does not feel safe in his home and wants a gun to be able to protect himself. That is understandable, right? In 2008, 402 of the 412 firearm homicides occurred with the use of handguns so apparently someone has guns in the city limits. What is that? A gun law not working? Hogwash! Maybe it is the criminals who dare to defy your laws and do what they want anyway. Wait, that must be the explanation of the long cliched "If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns." "Now I get it," says the person who thought Alderaan (had to look up spelling) was a real place.

Heston says, "Bet you still can't do it, pussies!"